Sociopath Community

when ur crush plays music 

and ur like dang

music grilz rule 

shitnigger 

yo i wanna learn how to play that, and then piggy back off of what she wrote because instead of ending it where she ended it I could totally see more music coming after that and I know exactly what I would do already 

im a musical wizard on the piano btw hi nice to meet u 

one of my hidden talents? 

I just haven't written anything in years and I hate all my old shit I wrote in high school so I've never shared it but, it's uh… it's music. 

I just, hate it. and since then I've gotten burnt out and like my music has become really abstract and lacks structure (on purpose) because I'm bored with structure and, yeah. 

my parents think I should like do that professionally with my life and wanted me to go to a music conservatory and write movie music for a living like hans zimmer and all those guys 

they wanted me to go to juliard 

and I was just like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shiittttt and I had to do all these crazy lessons and learn theory and yeah. I studied under the dean of music of a college and like it was hard as shit ok 

and they were also giving me private vocal lessons and private technical lessons working with music software so I could learn the in's and outs of production and I recorded with several producers and stuff and I was just really consumed with it all 

my entire room was literally wall to wall musical equipment and then on the floor musical equipment and literally every surface just musical equipment everywhere 

and all I did after school was just music music music, I also was in AP music during school too so I had homework in that shit to do 

and it was just really overwhelming looking back on it so it's no wonder I got burnt out 

oh and I was also forced to play live, meeting with more music people in the industry etc, and to submit my compositions to these competitions and festivals, and on top of that had to do a ton of performances, and had to go to a ton of performances as homework and like study other musicians and yeah I was just swamped dude. they wanted me to go to Nashville and like market myself at this Texas music con and stuff to more people and play live at the blues fest in Chicago and it was just like gaaaaaahhhh I don't have time to practice dude im not perfect enough and then like I had bands on the side I was involved with just because I personally wanted to, that was just stuff that happened on accident and like, I enjoyed that more just playing with muscians from the "underground" and I'd go to parties that were strictly for music people and we'd make shit and yeah I was always jamming with other people after school and just having fun… there were some seriously talented people I met in that underground circuit- and they were genuine too. 

and all of that was going on as like a side thing in my life, as crazy as that sounds I had a lot else going on ontop of all of that like that wasn't even my main concern hahah 

but yeah I just kind of got overwhelmed I guess I dunno, I had my own shit going on mentally and so when I went to Mexico I just cut ties with all the shit my parents forced me into and thought about what I really wanted and just had fun and enjoyed my life, did volunteer work you know took a fuckin breather. it was so nice. 

and I'd just go to the library on campus of the school in Mexico I was sort of going to, and just work on music up there on my laptop for hours and hours. 

and I had musical equipment at home of course and would play just whatever I wanted, sort of ditching my old material and the old sound all together and started fresh. tried new instruments I'd never seen before. I didn't care if they were in tune. you know, I just wrote as I pleased and just let it be. let the lyrics come out naturally, but didn't force myself to play, or write every word down. 

and I wrote some of the most beautiful stuff at that time in my opinion. all the pressure was off. nothing was written with anything in mind like, it was just, what I wanted. 

the grunge scene was very alive in mexico so I got to go see some cool underground bands there, that I discovered. some cool singer songwriters. amazingly talented. beautiful stuff. just enjoying the music to enjoy it you know. 

and then yeah after that I got busy as shit just with life but, when I lived in Mississippi for a time, I'd lock myself in the studios in between classes or after class and just play till late late at night sometimes on the pianos in there. the college had a great music building and I loved it. just walking in there and walking through the halls hearing nothing but just orchestral sounds coming from all the rooms. the instruments warming up. it was a great place for me to just unwind and destress, and enjoy just being me idk, without anyone watching, anyone expecting anything from me. anyone needing me to write anything for some tv producer or whatever. 

and I could just play whatever. so that was Nice and refreshing. I kept that time I spent there to myself I never told anyone about it but, eventually one of my friends was like, "why are you always going to the music building" and I was like "oh I just like to hang out in there" 

and then he demanded that I play something for him one night after we went to a basketball game on campus and so I was like ugh fine, another friend was with me who urged it on too who already knew what I played like. and they were like "YOU GOTTA HEAR IT IT'S SO GOOD. JUST PLAY FOR US PLEASE JUST TEN SECONDS. JUST PLEASE DO IT" 

I really had to be pressed into it and I was like fine I'll do one song and that's it and then we're leaving lol 

and the guy recorded me without asking and put it on facebook which connected me with a musician down in gulfport I'll never forget meeting. I went to go see him live and met his band and damn beautiful stuff. beautifully talented guy. 

I can share his tapes, but lol. he's a hipster so he literally gave me his music "on an actual tape" lol not in digital form so I can try to find it online like I know he has it somewhere just have to dig for it. but yeah he's amazing. 

and yeah since then… I maybe wrote one or two new things on the piano between uh, mental hospital visits. and though it's not a lot of music, it's the best stuff I've written. and then I just dropped off and haven't written anything since. lol. 

like I was creatively absent from the ability to write for a while (really depressed… felt like everything was wretchedly bad and just saw no point in playing) and then after some time in the mental hospital (the third stay at a rehab) it sparked something and then yeah it died out again. 

and since then I can't write anything but shit. 

literal shit. 

but yeah I have an appreciation for other people who can play most definitely and, I guess maybe it's a soft spot or like a connection for me when I see people who can I play I instantly desire to connect with them idk lol 

this is one of the artists I discovered in mexico just immersing myself with the music scene there and I fell absolutely in Love with her lol

I also went to this concert in mexico and got to see The XX, Grimes, SBTKRT, xxyyxx

because my bf at the time knew I was crazy about those artists he got me tickets to this like really awesome concert in Tulum on the beach. they played at night though and they had like lights on the ocean water and it looked so sick 

it was a really cool show and yeah I fucking *love* Grimes like with all my heart so 

I've been obsessed since the first album dropped on Spotify 

and yeah xxyyxx was my shit back in the day, he was actually just a local but like when his first album came out it blew up online, and he got to go on tour with like The XX and birdynamnam and gold panda, so cool. ironically the guy I was friends with who also got me weed, happened to be friends with the guy and they smoked weed together often so he offered to introduce me to him 

and so I got to briefly meet him while we were getting stoned. 

one time, I met these random musicians on a beach. it was the funniest thing. they were sitting on the beach the three of them just playing their instruments- a full on keyboard out there, their guitars and what not. just jamming by themselves XD like right by the water. and they were smoking weed. so I went up to them, we ended up smoking and jamming together and then 

I went out there the next day and they were there again, I asked them where they lived and they said they were living in a fucking van, touring around the United States just playing in random places. 

I wanted to follow them on their journey so I added them on their social media and, unfortunately the lead the singer Milan, passed away from an overdose but yeah… cool people. rest in peace Milan. 

but yeah uh… hm. the dead yeti's too.. I got to meet them and they eventually broke up, and I got to steal their drummer XD for one of my side bands. it wasn't my intention, the guy wanted to jam with us so I mean really he just joined us more than I did any stealing but. I wasn't surprised they broke up, because the lead singer was having some major issues with getting drunk too often. like, way too often. and he was really egotistical and it just wasn't a good vibe, a lot of hostility between the band members. 

I've met a lot of cool producers, um. I recorded in the same studio Avril levigne recorded in idk lol one of the guys I worked with was nominated for a grammy but god damn he was hard to work with. like, he wanted to change everything I wrote and he said I had no talent on the guitar but only on the piano lol.

and I never worked with him again because he just put me down so much it made me feel like shit just being around him for 2 hours and I couldn't handle it at the time. like he made me feel really depressed because his attitude was so toxic and he was also really full of himself. 

he wanted to market me too like all producers do, and like he was criticizing the way I dressed and told me to stop smoking. he was just bossy lol 

YES I FOUND IT 

https://ifidieinmississippi.bandcamp.com/album/alive-kxlu

this was the guy I met in gulf port I was talking about 

I forgot to mention she is trans now so actually, *she 

JENNy <3 (on the right with brunette hair and sunglasses) 

there are some talented people I met through Austin's… Sebastian and… I believe a girl named Afila? I think her band was like Afila and the bee? 

My sister has her instagram but idk where Sebastian went. Sebastian tried to hook up with me, she'a girl. And yeah I just wasn't down that night so she hasn't talked to me since but she's a really talented musician and singer I wish I could share her stuff. 

And I'll have to ask my sister for Afila's instagram but she went on to like play professionally in a band as a lead singer, she got her start at Austin's but now she has like an indie following and goes on tour and stuff it's pretty cool and she's amazingly talented. I knew that from the second she started singing on stage at austin's man. haha and she's very cute and tiny. 

but yeah there are a ton of artists that go through Austin's playing live every day and, in my opinion those two were the most talented and stood out the most. I'll have to go find her stuff and link it, she's legit now.