Sociopath Community

What makes you sure you are unable to?

Nope.

As we age our testosterone levels kinda dwindle. That goes for women too. Women also have more testosterone than they do estrogen, but less testosterone than men.

The symptoms of lowered testosterone is seen as a bad thing. Mood swings, being more irate, being prone to high temper. Maybe for men it's becoming more like the woman emotionally, while for a woman, lowered testosterone will take you where you've never been before on an emotional level, you'll handle it cause you've been prepared your whole life to handle it better with wisdom.  

With that comes passion, or a new level of appreciation or admiration for beauty. Simple things like genuine kindness could bring a tear to an observer's eye.

In short as we age our emotions become more powerful. You might not identify it as love as you know it, but when we see bad stuff, it's a bit of a downer, and we open up to goodness and good people. That won't default us to being good people, but we'll be at peace with people who we think deserves better.     

Buttered Toast said: 

What makes you sure you are unable to?

 I do not feel it as strongly as I remember I used to, for my husband or for my children. I remember a time when my husband was all I could think of. He could do no wrong in my eyes and I adored him. More than anything I just wanted to be near him every moment. As long as we were together I was happy. Now, I feel as though I am thankful to have him in my life but I could be just as well without him or with anyone else. I feel duty to my kids to give them a good life but I do not feel as I did when they were born.

What that describes is fatigue from routine, familiarity, and perhaps a creeping depression.  It is understandable, and certainly can come with age (for all those symptoms are accrued by time, of course), but none of it precludes those feelings of love from ever being in your life again.  It is good that you recognize this and see it.  I am not sure what you seek in sharing this, but from the way your question was asked, I think you want some assurance of its normalcy and maybe commiseration of some sort.  So, there's that.

Should you care for any opinion or advice on that, then here's a little:  If you are trying to bring back the feelings you once had and wish to respect the relationships you're in, the history you've shared and the love that was once there, perhaps you need to find new ways to engage in those relationships.  Maybe start with visiting the situations and memories where those feelings were once strongest and engage together with the person.  It can be a reconnection: somewhere for you and them to navigate familiar ground.  From there, look to make new experiences, finding new things about each other.  It's easy to get into a rut and not notice, with it getting deeper the longer it seems to go unnoticed or unaddressed.  You should certainly find the best way to approach them with this concern, and communicate your wish to find your way back together where you might wish to be (again).  Perhaps they are also in the same mindset.  If they also loved you (and still do), they could be wishing for the same thing.

One day the kids will go off on their own and leave you behind, just keeping in touch, and you'll be fine with it. It would be unhealthy to have the same old concerns as the offspring is old enough to go out into the world. 

As for the husband.... Good luck to him, as his wife has already pulled away and online talking about a loss of romantic interests and would be fine without him or with someone else, while he's there still making you fortunate to have him in your life. 

As for you. You'll be okay. It won't break your heart when you've fulfilled your duties and it's time to move onto other things in life. Some would say that's good mental health.  

Ursula said: 

I wish I could love as deeply as I once could. Is that something all humans grow out of?

 Not sure about all humans, but I'm intensely suspicious in my old age. It takes me forever just to form comfortable friendships. I've not felt romantic love since I was in my early 20s. Over 25 years ago. I despise most people, especially men. And I pity at least half of the rest.

I can love my fur babies when I have them. But they eventually die of old age, too. That is heartbreaking. I'm still not over my orange and white kitty. He died at age 15, a few years ago.

It will be awhile before another cat chooses me, I think.

Golden_Eagle said: 

Nope.

As we age our testosterone levels kinda dwindle. That goes for women too. Women also have more testosterone than they do estrogen, but less testosterone than men.

The symptoms of lowered testosterone is seen as a bad thing. Mood swings, being more irate, being prone to high temper. Maybe for men it's becoming more like the woman emotionally, while for a woman, lowered testosterone will take you where you've never been before on an emotional level, you'll handle it cause you've been prepared your whole life to handle it better with wisdom.  

With that comes passion, or a new level of appreciation or admiration for beauty. Simple things like genuine kindness could bring a tear to an observer's eye.

In short as we age our emotions become more powerful. You might not identify it as love as you know it, but when we see bad stuff, it's a bit of a downer, and we open up to goodness and good people. That won't default us to being good people, but we'll be at peace with people who we think deserves better.     

 

 Maybe...

It took me 10 whole years to watch the footage of the 9/11 disaster because I knew I would lose my shit. Instead, I watched the benefit concerts, and Oprah letting people talk about their feelz. It was tragic and horrifying, but waiting to actually look helped me to keep a cool head and not start crying.

But this past September I did it again. 😢

It all came out when I heard the familiar scream for the third time, from a different angle, with the story of a man who narrowly escaped being vaporized inside there, and I realized that it wasn't just one terrified person standing too close to the cameraman.

That scream was the combined panic and anguish of maybe 100 000 New Yorkers watching the towers come down.

😢😢

I do feel more for strangers on the evening news these days.

I was more astonished by 911 visuals. At the time I was 23 watching it live. Watched the replays, saw the towers fall, saw WTC7 fall for no reason.

The footage of people running from the debris facinated me, it was like Godzilla in real life, the people jumping to avoid the fire horrorfied me.

What would make me break down and shed tears, is if the truth came out and those who were really accountable were brought to justice. In short for me it's always been astonishment, then doubt, then anger. Not even a house of cards can fall like that from a fire, and we're to believe a fire did that to 3 fortified steel frames, while those are still the only 3 steel frame buildings in history to collapse from a fire.

I don't think I'm able to be shaken by 911 at this point in time. Anyone who died there are unknown to me. It's in the same category as gore which doesn't move me like things of beauty or certain types of art or events.