I've done objectively bad things changing radically my auto estimation.. Like cheating, lying, being a emotionless coward in the face of confrontation with my actions and treating sex partners badly. I have bad fantasy and act selfishly, am arrogant and egocentric. It gave me many insights into the nature of being (bad). Such as...
- You can be bad and good simultaneously, like I for example have done these things but I also am caring, sweet, kind. Both live in me.
- Bad actions and bad people can feel remorse and suffer from their badness (not playing the victim but just saying it hurts to contradict your moral compass)
- My evil comes from a place of fear and cowardice, deep down inside I am a hurt child
- Things happened to me as a child making me not react to stimuli like others should, like for example I have a lack of emotional empathy, not entirely but clearly so which hinders my ability to relate to others
- In life you are given choices, and these choices are what define us. I made bad choices and good ones. I believe for every bad choice I become more bad, hence we should choose carefully... Every choice matters.
None of the above is meant as redemption, just sharing how layered good & evil can be. as a result of this I sympathise a bit more with bad actions of others and show more patience, compassion, seeing bad as a result of weakness a lot of the time.