Sociopath Community

Do any of you self-medicate with drugs or alcohol to 'fill the void', to feel something, or chronically?

I've been struggling with alcohol for quite some time and I realize now that I was a completely different person from when I first drank. I miss who that was, because now after a night or two of drinking the LAST thing I want to do write something or even interact with people. It's like a switch is flipped internally that makes me indifferent to people when I'm hungover and overall makes me a shitty person that I don't like. More than that, i'll open up a bit. My parents are alcoholics who have traumabonded over their mutual addiction and it scares the fuck out of me to become what they are. I see the veil covering their eyes, they are completely blind to the damage they are doing to themselves, I just fucking hate it. They have become slaves to this substance where it consumes their entire day thinking about it, planning where to get it, then tomorrow they're hungover repeating the process. They do nothing of academic value, no interests, barely any hobbies, disinterested in shit they should care about and the cherry on top - emotional outbursts. How could they do this to themselves? Why do they reduce themselves to empty vessels?

Alcohol is a common method to get your mind off of things where I'm from, but that doesn't excuse the lack of awareness from people regarding alcoholism. Because it's so socially accepted, nobody talks about the negative at least publicly. If they do, it's in the form of humor like "oh damn bob I got fired, guess my only occupation is to become a drunkard hahaha!!" nobody takes this shit seriously, why?

Marijuana is another form of escapism that I indulge in, but it doesn't nearly have as many side effects as alcohol does - I still have motivation to read, practice skills, study etc. Anyways, if you have struggled with any substance currently or in the past - please share your experiences. What made you try the substance? Did it damage anything you value? How did you quit? What got you hooked in the first place?