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Who is blanc


Posts: 9306

Late at night, numb on Prozac, a dim flame… in a dark room. I have nothing left to hold onto.

 

There is nothing inside, I’m null and void while every passing facade fades before my eyes, quicker than the last 

 

time goes by like time travel, I still feel 12 and 23 and 24 and 26, all i have is the sand in my eyes to remind me how much time has passed. Sometimes, I’m not really sure. 

I had to ask what month it was. I can tell I’m so tired , I barely make coherent sense to most people. Trapped inside, for a decade or longer. 

it’s like vertigo, i really wonder what it’s like to feel grounded and solid about, anything… I feel like one day some tossed me up in the air and I never came down. I’ve been lost ever since but, didn’t know it. All this time…  inevitably floating further and further sway, until I’m gone completely. 

 

“I’m a million different people, from one day to the next.”

 

and then when time runs out, it doesn’t matter. So what am I here flr? I want to lay in the dirt and roll in the sun. One more time, I want to know every blade of grass and insect and fern on this green earth. There’s so much to miss, I can’t fathom words like contentment, or happy endings, happily ever after. 

I’d really prefer it didn’t end, and I don’t want this life of, what…. What is it for….

 

no one will be there, nothing 3ill be thereby in the end, I’ll be alone just as we started. 

birthed from nothingness, in tandem with great open space, a vacancy sewn our hearts together and made us one. 

but we were always one half of the other, most days I forget…. I’m somewhere else, som5ueone else 

 

and then I get a visitor, like an old familiar dream, coming to the murky surface. Messages kept in bottles, i dont know who wrote them. But they keep washing ashore. Everytime I read one, I look out and try to see if she’s there, out there somewhere on the horizon, staring back, waiting to come home.

but no one’s there. I’m Persephone … waiting by the sea…. For somebody like me….’’

an old promise she couldn’t keep.

 

I said I’ll wait for you, and turned into a skeleton,’’

 

she never came home

 

water drips from the sink, behind me, while the rounded limestone window, i stare out of. My hair grew beyond its edge like rap used, 42’’ long.

 

I didn’t care… every morning waking up wondering where she’d gone, amnesia to the fact, it’d been over a decade. 

‘’I hated time as it passed, because it was only a tool to measure the length of my suffering

 

 

Posts: 9306
1 votes RE: Who is blanc

If I could show you my heart, show me who you are first

 

if I could, then I would, but here it is, in broken fragments, and half finished sentences, blurry pictures, and moments flicker through my vision, fading in and out of consciousness 

 

i dont always remember everything all at once 

 

I wanted control but i realize now that simply isn’t possible 

 

so I let it slide, into the inevitable as it will. And I don’t have a way out so, I fill my bones with poison, a sad story really. Just so I can take another nap, or a relaxing, hot bath…. And really relax… 

 

‘’that’s all I want, that’s all I know is my safety, is to slip away into a coma, dissociative or high….

 

I look at all the damage I’ve done……. To myself now. But I can’t stop. 

‘’so I hope one day I figure out a way,… the courage to get up and walk away 

 

and never look back… as if that doesn’t hurt at all. 

so I put up with the weight I carry, because… those little moments….  I’m still, hanging onto. 

‘’as if…. ……, two things can be true at the same time. You , hurt me, but you love me. I love you, but, I hurt you. 

everything else is just as smooth as Jazz and butter… the same thrashing around sound on the drums goes agin and again on repeat in counts of threes like a Walt’s, i dance to it, to the alarm, i brush my teeth left to right. The windshield wipers clear the rain from right to left. I drive back and forth. I la0=h down, I get up. I clock in, I clock out. And everyday is the same, while the soles of my shoes get worn down. 

‘’I don’t care aw]bout my bank account. I spend it like I’ve only got one day left to live. And go to sleep high so I don’t have to think about the stress of waking uo]p, tomorrow… 

‘’give me a bus ticket… and i’; abandon myself quicker than you’d can blink… I’ll sell out and fold over, and die weak in the knees by brush the soft tall brush, that was so terrifying to lay in … I didn’t care what snakes come AND BUGS THAT CRAWL ACROSS MY SKIN

 

it doesn’t matter, because I’m already dead.

Posts: 32779
1 votes RE: Who is blanc

Posted Image

I envy people who can unload like this. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
last edit on 2/27/2024 4:20:59 AM
Posts: 2478
0 votes RE: Who is blanc

I’m sitting here and skimming off the top thinking song lyrics but I’m afraid to share because I’ll get “scooped”. Blanc try to write a song from your outpouring maybe.

Posts: 2478
0 votes RE: Who is blanc

"Blanc’s Song” (c) to Med 2024 upon pen to paper 

6:02:33 AM


Last night I am numb inside

while every passing facade fades before my eyes 

a dim flame in a dark room

sometimes I’m not really sure 

Sand in my eyes reminds me of passing time

im so tired

Six of one half dozen and half of the other 

trapped inside me for a decade or longer 

I want to write

IT’s my visitor and a once unfamiliar dream 

I’m Medusa waiting by the Sea for anyone like me

to wash ashore 

he never came 

no one cared

there’s been no one there

And I’m scared

of the atrophy. 


(c) to Med 2024, upon pen to paper 

 

It’s good, but I took some personal liberties with what you wrote, should we write more Blanc?

Posts: 2478
0 votes RE: Who is blanc

 

CHORUS: (crescendo) (c) to “Med” upon pen to paper 2024

SMOOTH AS JAZZ AND BUTTER

TO WRITE IS FOR ME THE MEDICINE GONE DOWN

THE SAME THRASHING AROUND IS THE SOUND

OF THE DRUMS ON REPEAT 

NOW IN THREE’s LIKE A WALTZ

I GET IT 

MY DAYS PASSED

I GET UP I LAY DOWN 

THE REPEAT IN COUNTS

i clock out.

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