Sociopath Community

Blanc said: 

Dissociation is back. 

Do you suspect it might be Seasonal? 

I guess it would be nice if I could tell someone at work, hey, I have ptsd. I dissociate sometimes, it’s just my brains reaction to stress which I can’t control. 

What and have them judge you for it, in the workplace? 

How would you respond if someone at your job when you're just trying to get through the day told you they were manic with ocd traits or something? 

I'm all for open communication over disorders, I believe it helps reduce the stigma over it, but it'd really depend on the workplace itself. 

Today is October 13

PalePeach said: 

Today is October 13

 FRIDAY the 13th, even. :O

Buttered Toast said: 

PalePeach said: 

Today is October 13

 FRIDAY the 13th, even. :O

Nothing particularly lucky or unlucky happened to me that day. 

Dreamt that I was on some sort of island, and there was a few “tribes” of people put there to live out the end times, and only one person was meant to survive till the very end, that was like the way it was supposed to go. I don’t know, like the hunger games. It was just an unsaid thing though, that I somehow I knew was true the only way to survive this scenario was to be the sole survivor basically? 

And one person starts with the zombie infection and it goes from there, they were fast zombies though that would chase after you like blood thirsty leapords on all fours, with teeth like fangs, it was demonic looking. 

And so slowly but surely everyone was turning into zombies, and at first it was like the tribes were trying to help out survive the other tribes, like teams. But eventually there was no one left of your teams and it was just every man for themself. 

it was easy to outsmart the zombies at first, just distance yourself and hide, they don’t notice you. You skirt by them and tuck away somewhere quickly. And then when they chased me, I ran to the roof tops, hopping across the roofs, breaking through them with me feet as I landed, hanging on to scaffolding and structural parts of the building with my life. It was a risky way to out run them, one wrong move…. But, it worked at the time it was the only option so I had to risk my life jumping leaping into the unknown, and just hoping for the best to work out that they wouldn’t catch up with me somehow. Fall behind me in the holes I created in the ceiling… like I said, they were more beast like than human or animal like so they could be out smarted and were very simple minded, predictable behavior. 

then it got harder as all the survivors of the different tribes were against each other… we hid from each other because we couldn’t trust anyone. People would pretend not to be “sick” and then it turns out they had been infected, they would turn on a dime and take out five people around them, losing control of themselves… in denial… 

So operating in a team of survivors wasn’t safe… the best thing you could do was stay away from everyone. 

And it became a very scary and dark world at that point, very bleak and post apocalyptic, the opposite of connection and life, it was constantly outsmarting, tearing each other down, running, waiting for the others to die so you could finally have peace of mind. Exhaustion, hunger, depraved and inhumane… insidious, murder and betrayal of the lowest caliber. Taking advantage… 

Letting someone else die and take the fall for your mistake as the only option or way out of a bad scenario. 

I was taken not by choice but literally taken by surprise, and loaded onto a plane and then dropped into the ocean. And that’s how I ended up on this horrible island. It was just understood we were the last people on earth and the military was putting us there for safety, but it just didn’t go according to plan. All it took was one infected to make the whole thing go wrong. The wheels fell off and there was no one manning the ship anymore, no military coming back to save anyone they were long gone. 

in the final stages it was just trying to survive and kill everyone off via zombie each day, to try and make it to the next day. You just wanted the fight to be over. Some survivors had found a way to operate and embrace the new society as it was, they operated in jobs in exchange for some form of repayment that was like food and shelter safety for the day, and they relied on each other for this system to work. They manned lone positions, behind plexiglass. And you would walk across a dark wet parking lot at night, quickly… over to the lone station where a man stood behind the glass like vending machine… and you requested what you needed. Whether it was a bus or a train ticket or, a food ticket, some form of ration or payment. There was different stations then for different things, all bare necessities. There was peace at least for the time being, no one was becoming zombifiednsnd you were safe within this very tight, tense, no room for error, sort of society, that was extremely lonely… the zombies were still out there, and while we tried to exist desperate from them, we couldn’t garuntee they wouldn’t randomly make their way in somewhere or someone would turn… so that is why everything had to be behind boxes and, everyone alone.

it was just how things were. And it was silent, and no one spoke at all. I rode the subway train to get to the end of the island, where the boat docks were. It was risky to go to the docks, many people went there so it was “crowded” compared to the spread out isolated society we created. There were also people who lived a riskier way of surviving, and would rely on the other peoples rations and wages each day, to collect small amounts here and there, from ransoms each day. Going up to individuals, and… running around. More running around and communication created more risk, and they never knew what they would get each day… they were equally as desperate to survive as the people who chose to stay in place, and mundanely issue tickets and rations from behind a glass… 

The people who went to the docks were people who were willing to risk being attacked, as it was an unsecure area and attacks happened at random there. Nothing no one protecting you except yourself. There were stacks of cans and glass things higher than 10-20 foot walls. Making buildings out of the trash. I don’t know why, but they were there. Not entirely sturdy but it served to create a structure at one time, a futile effort to blockade people from the zombies that failed long ago, and now was just left open to wanderers and passerby. 

I wandered through the “alleys” of these tall “buildings made of trash” and looked at it kind of like art, in awe of how tall the walls were and… how it was built. Other wanderers like myself were there and were equally amused by the tall walls. Like art, in a mueseum. Everyone was just quietly looking, alone. 

Wondering to ourselves, how we could use this place to survive, instead of being in the mundane society in the inner city… that was so… dystopian and bleak. 

I wanted to hide there forever and be free from that city, breaking off, independent surviving. Off the grid, so to speak. Many did. But not many were successful in this effort here, because the risk was so high, and resources so scarce. The buildings were so fragile, if you weren’t used to navigating them very carefully, they could fall apart at an instant.., 

A zombie outbreak began to occur a few yards back in the alleys, out of sight but I could hear it coming. Screams and such. Everyone began to scatter off and find their way. I climbed high into the ceiling of the trash building. Others tried to follow me because they were afraid and didn’t know what to do, and they would fall because they weren’t aware that this kind of path only works when it is walked alone. If you try to follow you’ll fall through where I just went, and you had to be very light crawling through very quickly… it was just stable enough to get you from point A to point B, but no one else behind you. I couldn’t tell them, because speaking would risk revealing where I was and take me out of my hiding. So I had to let them fall, in terror, I watched them hang on for fear life and die, the zombies took them and I kept moving hastily, sweating and holding me breath…. Trying not to make any sounds. 

I didn’t mind hiding, it was easier than anything else. And it created a temporary false sense of safety that I wanted to feel forever, I craved it so deeply. But I knew you couldn’t hide in these places forever,… it was unstable and, unsustainable, with no food or water. And eventually I would have to come bursting out, and taking another huge leap. 

The only way out was to get off the island from the docks and dive into the ocean, with the sea creatures and all the unknown…. 

I was scared to leap off the island but I knew deep down that’s really what I came to the “alleys” and outskirts of the island to do. Was to leave the island, alone. Somehow. I just knew crossing an ocean alone would be almost certain death, but like I said, this way of life wasn’t going to work out and I knew if I really wanted to outsmart and survive the game and “win”… the real risk to take was to… take the full risk of going off the map. Getting out of the game. 

I and others like myself came there and stared at the tall walls like art as a way to procrastinate the inevitable leap we knew we came there to take. We relished in the peace and quiet and solace, of the place, while it lasted. And then once the zombies had infiltrated, it was just reacting and, doing what had to be done because no other options were available to us at this point but to leap. 

I saw a man, completely terrified, hiding on the very edge of the building in the ceiling, zombies coming below, and coming from behind us, all around. He looked at me, we were strangers. But his eyes were wide and round, and he was gasping for air panting, breathing hard, about to jump off and land hopefully in the ocean below. The jump was high like, cliff diving. 

He took a few breaths, while looking at me, and as fhe zombies got closer it wore him down. And then he turned around, and pushed himself off the building and falling into the water below. 

I didn’t see him surface, but I understood his loneliness, his desperation, his will to survive against all odds, even if it meant being pushed to this point of insanity. He wanted to live independently and free, so badly he was willing to die for it. And risk everything. 

when he leaped into the air and fell below, it reminded me of 9/11 and the people that jumped from the burning building. And I told myself, “the building is on fire, you must go like they did. And leap into the ocean.” It was the only way out, I realized as I hesitated looking for another way, seconds away from zombies attacking me more than likely. 

I crawled to the edge of building and put my feet under me couching like a surfer on a board, fingers on the floor bracing myself. And I looked at a particular spot in the water, and jumped up into the air. 

Hoping that a plane, or parachute, or hero in a cape, something- anything would come, below and catch me, or from behind. Saving me. But nothing came, and I plunged into the ocean…. Deep dark depths. 

sinking deeper, and deeper, I wasn’t sure if I would make it back to the surface in time for a breath of air, I wasn’t even sure where I was going and couldn’t see, I didn’t know if any creatures were coming to eat me at this point and I didn’t test if the zombies could swim. 

I just kept swimming forward, with no air, hoping nothing would devour me as I went on, trashing through the water trying with all my might to go faster against the watery forces… slowing me. 

Then, there was strange phenomenon happening in the sky, with the planets and the stars, and the universe…. 

Blanc said: 

Dreamt that I was on some sort of island, and there was a few “tribes” of people put there to live out the end times, and only one person was meant to survive till the very end, that was like the way it was supposed to go. I don’t know, like the hunger games. It was just an unsaid thing though, that I somehow I knew was true the only way to survive this scenario was to be the sole survivor basically? 

And one person starts with the zombie infection and it goes from there, they were fast zombies though that would chase after you like blood thirsty leapords on all fours, with teeth like fangs, it was demonic looking. 

And so slowly but surely everyone was turning into zombies, and at first it was like the tribes were trying to help out survive the other tribes, like teams. But eventually there was no one left of your teams and it was just every man for themself. 

Sounds more like Battle Royale meets Walking Dead, Hunger Games was more about wealth disparity. You might like the game Dead Rising. 

Tribalism does fit within the current News trends, too. 

it was easy to outsmart the zombies at first, just distance yourself and hide, they don’t notice you. You skirt by them and tuck away somewhere quickly. And then when they chased me, I ran to the roof tops, hopping across the roofs, breaking through them with me feet as I landed, hanging on to scaffolding and structural parts of the building with my life. It was a risky way to out run them, one wrong move…. But, it worked at the time it was the only option so I had to risk my life jumping leaping into the unknown, and just hoping for the best to work out that they wouldn’t catch up with me somehow. Fall behind me in the holes I created in the ceiling… like I said, they were more beast like than human or animal like so they could be out smarted and were very simple minded, predictable behavior. 

then it got harder as all the survivors of the different tribes were against each other… we hid from each other because we couldn’t trust anyone. People would pretend not to be “sick” and then it turns out they had been infected, they would turn on a dime and take out five people around them, losing control of themselves… in denial… 

So operating in a team of survivors wasn’t safe… the best thing you could do was stay away from everyone. 

Why do you figure the threat chosen for your dream was Zombies, rather than Monsters of another kind? Media exposure? 

I don't know, I've always had zombie nightmares, it started when I was pretty young and it just was a recurring theme that hasn't stopped. It's like, 8 out of 10 nightmares are typically zombie ones or post apocalypse. 

For whatever reason its how my brain has chosen to manifest,... something. I would say it's a manifestation of my mental illness diagnoses, mainly. Like, to broadly explain it. A manifestation of, depression, anxiety, ptsd. If you think about it, what mental illness feels like can be metaphorically summarized pretty well by the "feeling" of a post apocalypse nightmare. Both resonate on a similar level, or express, each other, mirror each other well enough, one could describe the other like, enantiomers. So I don't know if there is a correlation there for sure but, I believe there most definitely is. Lol. It seems to be how my brain processes it's own thoughts or things I've gone through or experienced? But like, if I were to explain it succinctly I think it is obvious that, nightmares are probably a blatant manifestation of, anxiety. Fear. Stresses. Worries. No? 

Basically though, I have noticed a pattern perhaps that, when the symptoms start cropping up in my regular life, the zombie dreams also, get worse or, come back. And I note the frequency of them as well... 

So yeah. I don't know why they started, from early on as I could remember, I felt very afraid of that happening like, it was one of my worst fears as a child was, what would I do if, there was a zombie apocalypse. And I guess it was something that, people talked about... like friends, family, entertained the concept enough... it seemed like a liberating thing to talk about for some because it was entertaining the idea of total governmental and societal collapse which, to maybe an anti-capitalist, seemed like, kind of a good thing. Or, there was a curiosity around, you know what it would be like to live without the chains of the modern western society we were confined to. Would it be better? Not really, no. But, yeah. 

I think after discussing it enough I see a direct correlation as well with, the concept of like, overarching, deep seated issues I have as well. And so, the dreams and their recurring nature is something to note, as I think it's trying to bring to the surface a message of a large over arching theme that you're just completely missing, or these deep seated buried things in your subconcious that are just gnawing away at you and you're unaware of them sort of. They need to come out and be, excised. 

And so..... yeah to be more specific for example, I think that certain symbology in the dreams can be manifestations of these, important, overarching or deep seated issues that are "huge" or pivotally important in your life. So like the really intense, vivid, clear moments.... those are, something to take note of. And the really intense moments are things like.... 

for example there was a dream where I had to cut off my own arm. And I think that this represents, something like, an insecurity or suicide even, a very deep seated issue, that came from home. And that's why the dream took place right in front of my family home. But, yeah I think it may of even been a very early warning sign or precursor to suicidal ideation that can come with severe mental illness that's like, screaming out to be treated. 

It's dark, but, what do you expect from nightmares. It's, a metaphorical representation of all the darkest parts of the human psyche and your darkest emotions and thought processes. Right. It's the things that really scare you. Like the thought of, having to commit suicide, it scared me. But it's a real concern for someone who deals with mental illness, sometimes. For some. There is a fear of, futility. Hopelessness. No way out. 

Once you've been bitten (traumatized) the only way to get rid of the trauma is to, as quickly as possible, in a mad dash, sever off your arm in hopes none of the infection circulates through your blood to the rest of the body. 

It could be a representation of blatant dissociation, psychological barriers and cutting off of trauma, parts of the self, to survive. Even. To be more literal in interpretation,... which I know now later after years of therapy, I most definitely have done in the past. 

So maybe my head was trying to tell me something like hey, you cut yourself off, and you don't remember it. But I am showing you, what happened to you, even though you don't fully know like, you're not fully consciously aware. The "body keeps the score" so to speak. No matter how much you try to be quiet or keep it down and ignore it all, be in denial that it matters. The mind sort of revolts and is like, red flag, red flag, red flag, this is not, good for you. We need to heal this, or it will, become an infection and, kill you. Right. 

It's part of the self healing process, of the mind. To make itself aware, of things. Like, pain, in the body, alerts us that, something is wrong, and needs to be, mitigated. 

Hello, is that you telling me I can “rot in loneliness for the rest of my miserable sexless life” haHA (as user Thatsall)”)

You would be wrong I’d be more careful if I WERE you hahaha