Message Turncoat in a DM to get moderator attention

Users Online(? lurkers):
5 posts
0 votes

Therapy thoughts


Posts: 9421

 

Wow, it’s really come full circle hasn’t it. When I read the youtube comment below in this video, someone said, thanks for putting into words my distrust and distaste for the phrase fake it till you make it. And something clicked. 

 

Basically, the first time i entered a residential mental health treatment facility, I actually was having a huge break through as a patient, toward, my over all betterment right. When i engaged in group, as a shy person. And took a moment of like, brash honesty. I said, after we were prompted to answer the question, how do we cope. I said, “by pretending everything is fine.” And I got yelled at for saying that by the staff. 

 

I think it was interpreted as disrespect maybe, looking back on it. But, I’m not, keen with social cues, sometimes. Lol. And so, I know for a fact in that moment i was genuinely just saying, how I actually cope with life. I was just being dead honest, dead serious. Not joking. I wanted to talk about that. You know, open a discussion into it… so that maybe I could learn how I could do better, than just, pretending. I didn’t know any other way really at that point in my life. 

 

But, that’s beside the point. Based on this info I’m learning, about, a phenomenon which, I really feel like should be given a freaking name? Sort of like, Stockholm syndrome. It’s a very serious and pervasive, real, effect on the mind, that someone can experience…. In response to, say, a post traumatic condition of sorts, for example. And this ‘syndrome’ is sort of what happens when someone’s reality testing has been so gaslit, so profoundly to their core, that, they can lose sight of, what reality actually is all together. 

 

Faking it till you make it can sometimes be, a ‘toxic’ response to trauma, or other reasons. And, you’re doing it because you don’t want to individuate from the reality you’re in, because it’s too harsh, to emotionally come to terms with. So you’ll do anything to sort of keep that reality going, taking that gaslighting and abuse out on yourself, as you live in a confined way, as the object of someone else’s reality…. So, sometimes there is a lack of awareness that they’re even doing it, almost like a dissociative state, where you’re pretending, but you’re pretending so well you’re not aware you are pretending. 

 

I probably didn’t explain this well. But yeah, when I said to that staff member in the hospital, that I coped by pretending,…. That was actually a step forward, and he… used it as an opportunity to yell at me, “If you don’t stop pretending, you’ll end right back in this place.” And didn’t bother to explain anything further. I didn’t really understand what he meant, and, if you are sort of in this position, it’s rather unconscious until everythings brought to light very gingerly in therapy right, so….. pretending, can be a sign of someone who is in a post traumatic condition or state- and its very difficult to otherwise recognize, like, from a professional point of view, without asking the right questions. 

 

I think the unit I was placed in was kind of a mistake too, because I was immediately categorized, upon arrival… just assuming, oh, you have suicidal ideation- you go in with the mood disorder people and people who having psychotic episodes. 

 

Why they put mood disorder people who are suicidal with people who are in states of psychosis, I have no clue. But regardless, I remember that was one of my first comments when I was discharged, to my out patient therapist I said, “why is the anxious, put with the psychotic?” Basically, I knew on day one, that I wasn’t categorized properly by the system, and in reality, my condition was ptsd all along, underlying depression. 

 

People with ptsd… put in that environment, is the opposite of helpful, if you ask me. All of us had our fair share of, toxic family systems or, dysfunctional family dynamics, I’m sure. But, still, a post traumatic stress reaction, when you’re in the midst of that, trying to calm down- and, having a mental breakdown from it. I don’t know, it makes sense that the only thing I learned there that helped me was guided meditation. 

 

 

last edit on 8/2/2023 6:16:07 AM
Posts: 2756
0 votes RE: Therapy thoughts

"someone said, thanks for putting into words my distrust and distaste for the phrase fake it till you make it. And something clicked."

Wow astounding! So you used to use this method often, did you stop when you would fake it but NOT make it?

🌺🐀 🌺
Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Therapy thoughts

Hi Delora :) Good to see you around again 

 

Yeah, this is an interesting question actually. So, I believe, it’s possible, in theory, that people, may have a difficult time sustaining something that isn’t real. It will become increasingly more uncomfortable, in some way, until they can no longer tolerate it. 

 

 

So I actually consciously had to decide to try to find what the truth even was, and to face it. And it was extremely difficult, especially given with my tendency to slip back into dissociation, making it harder. 

 

I knew that I felt sort of, the best word for it isn’t oppressed but, I was sort of under this like, pressure and this depression, and I didn’t know where it was coming from. You know, but in an attempt to get out from under it, and like, my end goal was to be “free” from these kind of symptoms to the best of my ability… 

 

Pete Walker, a great ‘trauma’ author, describes it as “Surviving to Thriving”… I wanted that. And so I knew, to get there, I had to drop everything that wasn’t real and really try to find myself. Because, really the first ‘symptom’ I noticed consciously or was willing to acknowledge was going on, was just this general feeling of, not knowing who I was. And that, probably doesn’t describe it well enough,… but, it’s a difficult ‘feeling’ to put into words, but it was there, to the point that it was really noticable, all the time. 

 

And it just kind of started to annoy me, right. So you start picking at it, and picking away at it, and, my psychologist actually describes it perfectly he said, in regard to healing from trauma, it will be like “peeling back the layers of an onion.” And he was so right. Lol 

 

So yeah, it starts with one tiny little thing and, you peel that back- to find more stuff, and you just keep peeling through all these hundreds of layers you know, until you get closer and closer to the core. 

 

And then you’re finally able to stop, faking it. Which you, desperately wanted to do, but didn’t know how to- and still, survive. Right. But basically the motivation to work on it, if it’s not greatly affecting your functionality, is just, how uncomfortable it can increasingly become. 

 

I really do think it’s one of those things that, people just, psychologically and emotionally would become almost impossible to sustain, especially given if the thing they’re trying to mask is something like post traumatic stress. Which is something you really can’t “fake” your way out of. You can’t pretend to not have it. You can’t ‘run’ from it. And that’s what I was trying to do.

 

But yeah, so, it’s good advice to tell a person who is interested in healing to, seek their authenticity. I knew I needed to do that, but, it just took a really long time, and a lot of professional help honestly. I was trying to do it on my own and it wasn’t quite working. 

 

But yeah, even if all this is doing, is painting the illusion that I understand, what’s going on, and that I feel like I have gained some, control over it. That’s, good for me. Will that stability and you know, new found sense of peace, last? Like, is healing, sustainable, or is it- something that, maybe you go through more phases later down the road and it’s never really, a “completed” process as much as it is a life long journey… you know, who knows. 

 

What I’m saying is, all this sounds really nice, and it may be helpful to specifically me at this present moment. But, it might not be, everyone’s cup of tea for the place they’re in. And, it may not be the end all be all of solutions or, paths to take, toward healing. What’s right for me may not be right for someone else. 

 

Pretending works great, until it doesn’t anymore. It’s just, not sustainable. Lol 

Posts: 2815
0 votes RE: Therapy thoughts

Tiktok keeps showing me content addressed to people with adhd, autism, bpd, a bad relationship with their parents, and that like emo music

Sc is pretty boring.
last edit on 8/3/2023 1:41:01 AM
Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Therapy thoughts

Tiktok keeps showing me content addressed to people with adhd, autism, bpd, a bad relationship with their parents, and that like emo music

 Hm, that’s weird lol

5 posts
This site contains NSFW material. To view and use this site, you must be 18+ years of age.