I shall get a feeder fish and I shall name him Oswald the goldfish and I shall give him a twenty gallon tank and train him to eat out of my hand. He shall have one real plant (and the rest of the plants are fake) and a hidey cave with beautiful glow in the dark aquarium gravel and a bubble volcano with an oxygen pump and a filter with little statues of coral in his tank and tiny figurines of glow in the dark sea shells with a silicone jellyfish and fake floating water lilies with a single ping pong ball that he can bat around and a fish school training kit to teach him kits and a lot fish mirror so he can look at his beautiful self
Yes my husband and I compromised that instead of a baby doll I will get a fish
And yes I am putting a single tiny feeder fish in a twenty gallon tank BECAUSE I CAN AND FUCK YOU
I can afford all this because of the temu app thank you temu
And I am buying a used twenty gallon
Now I must go read a guide on how to "cycle the water through" I have a lot of reading to do before I adopt my thirty cent prince whom I shall spoil the living shit out of because I want to spoil something so bad
I will get the saddest ugliest most bullied little feeder I can find and make him go from living in horrible conditions to not understanding why the fuck he is suddenly in a twenty gallon tank
I will be keeping him at my dad's place so I am going to visit him twice a week for water changes and check up, cleaning maintenance and temu has a 11$ automatic feeder I can control with my phone.
I will give Oswald the finest treats like pieces of salmon (yes apparently goldfish love eating fish lol) and I will catch mosquito larvae and put one in there to watch Oswald catch it because I read fish love that BY THE WAY
IF GOLDFISH CAN'T LIVE IN GOLDFISH BOWLS WHY DO PET STORES SELL EM?