Sociopath Community

I found this language after regretfully realizing that I had idealized and devalued my shaman mentor and was in deep regret and remorse over possibly having hurt him and never wanting to idealize and devalue anyone ever again,  because he has such a good and compassionate heart and I became much more conscious of my idealizing and devaluing pattern and my abandonment wound.  he did not understand that I needed to learn this language and reprogram my mind in order to become fully free from my past trauma,  but I could sense that I did and I came across this language through a recommendation from someone on a shaman forum that I had been posting on.  This language is about the stopping of directing shame, guilt and blame at other people and evaluating other people through the perspectives of shaming and guilting and blaming,  and instesd focusing on the needs and unmet needs of yourself,  other people and the community and all of humanity,  and not perpetuating violence whether knowlingly or unknowingly by participating in having a conscious relationship with yourself and with other people,  as well as being in alignment with natural giving which is the healthiest practice that we can all be participating in for our souls. It also discourages a me / us  vs.  you / them mentality,  and discourages trying to force people to change but instead to encourage people to change willingly,  and not through coercion

and as I have said,  I am still in the process of learning this language,  but I am very excited about it and feel very encouraged and I am so very happy that I found this language

https://www.cnvc.org/online-learning/nvc-instruction-guide/nvc-instruction-guide  from the NVC Instruction Self-Guide

What is NVC?
(Read Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Chapter 1)

NVC is a “language of life” that helps us to transform old patterns of defensiveness and aggressiveness into compassion and empathy and to improve the quality of all of our relationships. Studying and practicing NVC creates a foundation for learning about ourselves and our relationships in every moment, and helps us to remain focused on what is happening right here, right now. Although it is a model for communication, NVC helps us to realize just how important connection is in our lives. In fact, having the intention to connect with ourselves and others is one of the most important goals of practicing and living NVC. We live our lives from moment to moment, yet most of the time we are on autopilot, reacting out of habit rather than out of awareness and presence of mind. By creating a space for attention and respect in every moment, NVC helps create a pathway and a practice that is accessible and approachable.

The Model
The basic model for NVC is really quite straightforward and simple. It is a process that combines four components with two parts. While the four components are specific ideas and actions that fit into the form and the model of NVC, the two parts provide a solid foundation for NVC as well as for living nonviolently. They are the basis for Marshall’s ideas of giving and receiving from the heart. These brief definitions will be expounded further in the sections below:

Four Components
1. Observation: Observation without evaluation consists of noticing concrete things and actions around us. We learn to distinguish between judgment and what we sense in the present moment, and to simply observe what is there.

2. Feeling: When we notice things around us, we inevitably experience varying emotions and physical sensations in each particular moment. Here, distinguishing feelings from thoughts is an essential step to the NVC process.

3. Needs: All individuals have needs and values that sustain and enrich their lives. When those needs are met, we experience comfortable feelings, like happiness or peacefulness, and when they are not, we experience uncomfortable feelings, like frustration. Understanding that we, as well as those around us, have these needs is perhaps the most important step in learning to practice NVC and to live empathically.

4. Request: To make clear and present requests is crucial to NVC’s transformative mission. When we learn to request concrete actions that can be carried out in the present moment, we begin to find ways to cooperatively and creatively ensure that everyone’s needs are met.

Two Parts
Empathy: Receiving from the heart creates a means to connect with others and share experiences in a truly life enriching way. Empathy goes beyond compassion, allowing us to put ourselves into another’s shoes to sense the same feelings and understand the same needs; in essence, being open and available to what is alive in others. It also gives us the means to remain present to and aware of our own needs and the needs of others even in extreme situations that are often difficult to handle.

Honesty: Giving from the heart has its root in honesty. Honesty begins with truly understanding ourselves and our own needs, and being in tune with what is alive in us in the present moment. When we learn to give ourselves empathy, we can start to break down the barriers to communication that keep us from connecting with others.

From these four components and two parts, Marshall has created a model for life enriching communication that can be highly effective in solving conflict with our family members, with our friends, with our coworkers, and with ourselves. The basic outline of the model is the following:

When I see that______________
I feel ______________
because my need for ________________ is/is not met.
Would you be willing to __________________?

Keep in mind that this is just a model, and that using this form and this language is not the most important aspect of NVC. In fact, as you practice more and learn more, you’ll begin to notice that all four of these components can be present in the complete absence of the form.

 

 

soo this is pretty much the basics of the language,  and I understand this much of the language-  it is more the practicing and putting it into practice in my daily interactions that I am seeking more understanding about,  which is what I am using the other resources that I posted in the first post of this thread for

I feel like if you could organize your thoughts and calm down a bit you have potential to be an author. Since the concepts you like writing about are interesting and you know, you seem interested in it which makes it more interesting. I dunno. 

But in todays day and age a podcast is maybe a good idea too. Like all these topics you get into you could just present them in podcast form on YouTube and talk about them or w/e, do a couple live streams from time to time. I think there’s an audience out there for everything pretty much. So why not? 

Blanc said: 

I feel like if you could organize your thoughts and calm down a bit you have potential to be an author. Since the concepts you like writing about are interesting and you know, you seem interested in it which makes it more interesting. I dunno. 

But in todays day and age a podcast is maybe a good idea too. Like all these topics you get into you could just present them in podcast form on YouTube and talk about them or w/e, do a couple live streams from time to time. I think there’s an audience out there for everything pretty much. So why not? 

my mother tells me this too lol about being an author or something,  possibly in the future  :)  I do want to share this information with all who are willing to listen,  while giving credit to this author of course  I have put together lots of different sources of information to come up with my "cure",  which is still being put together,  but I feel much closer now to finally feeling in a healthy state of being and interacting with other people

So you've found truespeech, or tongues or something? 

Blanc said: 

I feel like if you could organize your thoughts and calm down a bit you have potential to be an author. Since the concepts you like writing about are interesting and you know, you seem interested in it which makes it more interesting. I dunno. 

More likely she needs an editor, where she can be treated more like another writer's Ouija Board. 

Words Are Windows (or They’re Walls)

 

I feel so sentenced by your words, I feel so judged and sent away,

Before I go I’ve got to know, Is that what you mean to say?

 

Before I rise to my defense, Before I speak in hurt or fear,

Before I build that wall of words, Tell me, did I really hear?

 

Words are windows, or they’re walls, They sentence us, or set us free.

When I speak and when I hear, Let the love light shine through me.

 

There are things I need to say, Things that mean so much to me,

If my words don’t make me clear, Will you help me to be free?

 

If I seemed to put you down, If you felt I didn’t care,

Try to listen through my words, To the feelings that we share.

 

—Ruth Bebermeyer

 

 

Turncoat said: 

Blanc said: 

I feel like if you could organize your thoughts and calm down a bit you have potential to be an author. Since the concepts you like writing about are interesting and you know, you seem interested in it which makes it more interesting. I dunno. 

More likely she needs an editor, where she can be treated more like another writer's Ouija Board. 

 

 I would like it if it wasn't for what she did to me.