Why am I posting this? The answer is simple. Self humiliation. This is what makes me excited. It's one of the things that keeps me coming back to sc.
I don't know why. Since I was a child I have had something for extreme humiliation, anger, fear, and pain. Something about these things gets me... Off tbh.
I suppose you could say, I get a sense of control from it? Being the one to hurt and humiliate myself feels- safe and comfortable? Idk
I started feeling an ache in my tooth. I realized it was a cavity. I had a dental kit I ordered. I knew I had dental insurance. I could have gone to a dentist.
But that would be to boring wouldn't it?
I started slowly chipping away at the little cavity with this little scooper thing from my kit. Each chisel away at my tooth put a rush of severe pain through my body. But this severe pain also relieved something I can't quite.explain inside of me.
Blood started rushing into the rest of my mouth not long after, mixing with the rot. The blood tasted amazing as usual, metallic and salty.
I was screaming now from the severe pain, my entire body was shaking. I eventually lost self control as I needed more. More pain.
My mind disappeared as soul and body separated and everything was as if I were watching it from far away through a screen. A feeling I had felt before but this time I, I was the one causing that feeling. I am the one in control.
As I started loosening the tooth, I got horny from each jiggle as the pain shot through my jaw. Screaming at the top of my lungs as tears were pouring out of my eyes... And I pleasured myself in other ways as well as the excitement flooded over me
I lost control like a mindless animal and in the excitement I took out of my neighbors toolbox near by, a screwdriver and some small pliers. I started yanking my tooth more and more,. tasting all of the bleeding as my head was spinning in a nauseous state, feeling faint, and then, I yanked it.
And I... climaxed...
I am still in servere pain constantly but the shame is a two edged sword. One one hand I hate myself and I'm fucking terrified of the monster I have become and I don't know why I am like this and I don't know if I can stop.
On the other hand...
I did it to myself and holy shit that's beautiful
I.now.keep putting a tiny tiny baby millipede in the hole in my gum and the pain as it writhes in there is so severe, but feeling a worm like creature fester in my wounded flesh and causing this pain as it does so is...
Exciting.
The millipede is a pet that lives in my cup of dirt on my bedside table under a leaf.
This is a cry for help.
But it is also something I wrote to humiliate myself
Because I hate myself on one hand but on the other hand I get off on this
