emily. 

this is for you. 

are you listening? 

there are steps you can take to make it up to me. and to god. because i prayed, and this is what god said. in all seriousness. 

first he told me to give you mercy because you have certain struggles in your mental realm. i am sorry i did not.

next he told me this: he told me to tell you your brain is making weird chemicals that make it hard for you to be your true self who god made you to be because of pollution in the food, air, and water, and all around you emily. it is not god's way. you might call them "evil spirits". and in a way, pollution is a result of the evil spirits in mankind. especially spirits such as greed and selfishness. you are sensitive to imbalances in nature, some are more sensitive than others and you are very sensitive for various reasons. 

now here is what he wants me to tell you: 

first make sure you never do to anyone else what you did to me or god will punish you harshly and protect you even less from the pollutants and "evil spirits" around you and you will dwindle farther and farther into insanity, partially due to your own guilt. come to terms with what you did, and forgive yourself and never do it again.

next you must drop your pride and remember god loves you exactly the same as he loves all his creations. 

next, you must go to a certified medical doctor with a doctorate from a legally accredited medical school in person at a certified accredited normal public hospital and tell them the thoughts and struggles you have been having in as much detail as possible. 

you must be willing to take the medication and therapy they give you and see if the medication is right for you. 

you must wash all your fruits and vegetables carefully, make most of your diet fruits and vegetables and research things like pesticide free. eat organic meat that does not have weird hormones in it. and stop eating crap. eat HEALTHY and also exercise. exercise your body with physical real exercise like taking long walks while praying or taking a jog. do this every day. 

get up in the morning, brush your teeth, wash your hair and take at least three showers a week maintain basic hygene. god made your physical body and you must physically cleanse it.

do physical irl volunteer work that helps people, whether thats picking up trash around your neighborhood for 45 minutes a day, or helping the homeless at a soup kitchen every other week. you are meant to help others and serve their community PHYSICALLY as well. god created the physical the physical is god's realm too. 

you have to stop looking at the "weird crap" you look at online i don't know what he was talking about, but he says you will and it's between you and him. says its extremely bad for you.

get a hobby. this can be anything, art gardening, whatever. 

go on at least  two fun outings a week. this could be anything from the grocery store to the park. just get out there and show the world your lovely smile.

LASTLY. god said that the day he made you- he smiled.