and especially premature promises as a form of manifesting, and then dropping most of them and I can understand why people might perceive that as deceptive even though those were not my conscious intentions and maybe subconsciously there were some out of wanting to boost my ego while I was very sick and struggling
but yeah, anyway I might be a practicing shaman in the future and I am still interested in it, but the truth is that I still am healing my core wounds even though I thought that I would be finished by now and I might be getting close but who knows
and I apologize for all ways that people on this forum have felt deceived by me, and who also did not understand my spiritual experiences and manifesting practices are in fact not schizophrenia but something very different (a shamanic calling)
sadly, I was cursed by one of the shamen working on me, the female one (return to sender stuff) that became triggered by my own core wounds, and I realized from that experience that a lot of my subconscious intentions on this forum were less than pure (mostly vengeance and trying to force karmic justice myself) fortunately my other shaman mentor was able to remove it soon after lol (laughing but mostly sad that she would do something like that but I see reflected in her my own behavior now even though I was not consciously doing return to sender stuff because I see it as not very healing but subconsciously it seems that I still wanted it), but I still learned my lesson and it was a difficult one to face
and yeah, I apologize and I feel very disheartened that I used to lead other people on and behave somewhat fraudulently myself
the lesson is learned and I cannot unlearn it, I see through my own self now
