all i can remember now is.... for some reason i was following some people in search of something? don't remember what it was. but it was something specific. and i didn't think it would involve going underground, much less, deep deep underground. so as i'm following the people, i find myself sort of falling behind and becoming uncertain, almost like pressure is building and the air is getting thick with something making it harder to breath, less oxygen, less light. it was kind of intensifying as we went deeper and deeper.
i was like uh... how deep is this going to go? wanting to stop but, also knowing i had to continue to find 'the thing' i was looking for? with these random people i was with.
so it was like this zig zag of downward stairs, and i couldn't see to the bottom it was so dark, i didn't know how deep it would get. but it was unexpectedly extremely, extremely deep.
so i went down the many layers of stairs, eventually losing sight of the people that were guiding me and giving me certainty that i knew what i was doing and where i was going.
by the time i got to the bottom layer, which was sort of just like a basement floor, dark and wide, cavernous and expansive. i believe someone greeted me, coming out from the shadows and meeting me as i arrived. they were unexpectedly cheerful. i didn't think any people would exist down here, but apparently there was seemingly a whole other world inside this sort of infinite basement, and the dwellers of this 'layer' of the earth stayed here, and were comfortable and happy with their dark world beneath. almost as if they maybe had no knowledge of the surface, and believed this *was* the surface. i couldn't tell if they were unaware, or chose it, or how they ended up down there and stuck there. i was puzzled why the man that greeted me was so happy in such a dark and strange place. it was very fantastical at this point, he seemed pleased i was here, excited to receive a tourist, and had this willy wonka vibe about him. like hi! welcome to the magical weird underworld i live in! i love it here! his cheeriness just really perplexed me, i was missing something. why these people were able to flourish and thrive in a totally dark and empty world, and enjoy it...
and then after welcoming me, he sort of turned me lose to tour about on my own. i didn't feel anything was guiding me but i knew i was coming to look for something or to see some sort of truth about something in my past.
and i wandered down a familiar hallway of a school, lined with lockers, letting the familiarity of the place intuitively guide me closer and closer to a core memory to be revealed. a secret truth unlocked about the truth of something that happened.
(trigger warning gore; horror death)
when i arrived to a room, i found out there was a man at this school (in the past) who was known for having beheaded children.
i woke up a bit shaky and on the verge of panic, heart beating a little fast.
-
my interpretation. i think its very interesting now in the conscious as i am thinking about it, i'm able to relate it actually to another nightmare i had when i was a child, i think i was maybe only 4 at the time? and it was a dream where everyone in the dream was simply just heads with no bodies. i clearly found it really confusing and terrifying, if it stuck with me all these years. it really sticks out to me loudly and clearer more so than most dreams.
could be totally unrelated. but, regardless.
for context i'd been doing a lot of trauma therapy work as of recent and, the day before i had that dream i actually made the comparison to someone that trauma therapy work is a bit like a trance song i heard that just says the word, 'deeper' over and over again.
i guess this was my subconscious mind, processing the fact i am bravely exploring its deepest depths.
what the man harming children represents, i have no idea.
-
directly after that dream i had a (tw disturbing bodily distortion, health topics) i dreamt that my eye lids were puckering is the best way i can describe it. it was more complicated than that, as if something was being peeled back from the eyes and then puckering, causing my vision to be a bit blocked.
i interpreted this by researching about eye puckering just to see what came up, and it has to do with blind spots and or distorted vision as a result of scar tissue. scar tissue forms in the body as a result of trauma. the puckering can also be known to occur as a result of improper prolonged separation, and often has to do with age or aging.
i find this very relevant to my work in therapy.