Sociopath Community

People here often teach me what I don’t want in my life. That’s a start in finding out what I do want. 

Lenalee said: 

Maninist said: 

Lenalee said: 

 Something TC said one time to me reframed some mental stuff and made me feel less ashamed of myself. That was neat. 

 Heh. I know, El Lena.

 No, you don't.

 I called it out 2 or 3 times already. 

Shame is a correctional emotion for our best interests. 

Maninist said: 

Lenalee said: 

Maninist said: 

Lenalee said: 

 Something TC said one time to me reframed some mental stuff and made me feel less ashamed of myself. That was neat. 

 Heh. I know, El Lena.

 No, you don't.

 I called it out 2 or 3 times already. 

Shame is a correctional emotion for our best interests.  

Not that i owe you an explanation, but what TC did was reframe what happened to me as a child. I had been sure that it had been my fault i was raped because i didn't tell anyone, and had allowed it to continue for almost two years. When i did tell my mother it was basically reinforced that it was my fault. 

TC had pointed out that i didn't tell anyone because i was threatened and the threat was real because i was raised in a violent household. That my brain tried to help me survive in the best way possible when all i had available to me was the logic of an 8year old and reasonable fear that i would be hurt because when threats were made in my family, they would usually follow through.

TC had helped me navigate a very messy mental state where i had only self loathing and self blame which kept me spiralling into emotional meltdowns. He was kind and patient through out and the starting point of me sorta getting somewhat better about the whole thing and feeling less ashamed. 

You were helpful for me too as a sort of reality check at points for my last relationship, a lot of shit was messy and I was essentially a cultist for a good amount of it. While this does not invalidate every time she's been defended, nor does it make claims of her manipulation behind the scenes for this forum any more real, there've been many things where in hindsight I took the wrong call and other times where I made the right call but then went back on it towards a bad decision. 

Time since the breakup has been pretty weird for reevaluating it all, I drank the Kool-Aid pretty deep from enough sunken investment and a lack of trust in my own judgement and memory, and love I guess. If not for your mentioning what you'd been told I could have ended up gaslit towards who-knows-what. Others who were told apparently thought I already knew, but, uh, no, not the case, from not wanting to trust my own instincts that were yelling at me what was going on rather than her actually talking to me about it being ignored. By the very act of having paranoid thoughts, an actual situation ended up excused as yet more paranoid thinking with room for self-blame, but quotes are damning. 

As time's passed she and I've hit a point where we don't talk anymore. It's like this void where a big chunk of my life used to be and it's kind of disorienting. 

I don't think anyone from this forum has had a profound impact on my existence. If it was, I don't think it was really positive. I found my way here through slay and trypt on psychological dysfunctions, all because I was retarded and curious about a meaningless sensationalized label, the "sociopath" or the "psychopath" clearly I'm neither one, I don't know what I am, but no fucking LABEL is going to HINDER ME. It was just a period of time where I was slaying small animals and befriending people with a almost Kira or Bateman type mask, I can still be like that, but its clearly absurd, and more in terms of eccentricity than anything else. 

Obviously, I've enjoyed time with some of you, in conversing, others I wish would just die. If I could go back, and change me never showing up here, I would definitely do it. No offense to those that have value. I'd maintain my top three forum members that could've had some impact on me would be.... Alice, Cx3, and the third for lack of a STAND IN, Turncoat you win congratulations tions tions.

All in all though, I'd maintain that these are not spaces to congregate and that all of this will hopefully die and fade away, I understand its appeal, I can give you slight sympathy on that, but all in all it should burn, and SC shouldn't be the theme of your life. If my ascension comes, and we cross paths, I may be forgiving, but most likely I'd execute you out of love and mercy cy cy. That's going to conclude this stream of consciousness. 

Chaotik said: 

I don't think anyone from this forum has had a profound impact on my existence. If it was, I don't think it was really positive.

It helps that you're like 95% self-fixated, you can't really have others rub off on you if you're too busy rubbing yourself off. 

Turncoat said: 

Chaotik said: 

I don't think anyone from this forum has had a profound impact on my existence. If it was, I don't think it was really positive.

It helps that you're like 95% self-fixated, you can't really have others rub off on you if you're too busy rubbing yourself off. 

My ramblings is my weakness, but potentially a necessity, as I get random bursts of energy, my head becomes filled with lots and lots and lots of thoughts, and I feel the need to write them out to try to maintain some coherence, as multiple drums are in my head marching to their own beats without my consent, without what I wanted, just there SCREAMING AT ME. I'm a broken record, cursed, trapped but making progress in my grand escape, soon SOON, It's painful, and hard but I see the light at the end of this tunnel and if I die trying SO BE IT. Tears leak out of my eyes uncontrollably as I feel the euphoria, the beauty in so much these thoughts, these dreams, the uncomprehensive images in my head, the feeling of hot blood spraying, hitting my face and neck, as I just take a moment and take in the beauty. 

"I" "I" "I" so much I so much I, when I doesn't even know what I IS WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY WHOW? but I would rather not continue this, lest I ruin this precious thread. 

I learned I was capable of really intense emotions here, i used this site and others to learn how to be social

i also learned that i can fabricate an identity to the point I believe in it myself

i learned how to handle the most toxic people online

and i found some remarkable people

all this was not just on SC, but a few places in the same corner, SC included

if i were to expand my post

Chaotik said: 

All in all though, I'd maintain that these are not spaces to congregate and that all of this will hopefully die and fade away, I understand its appeal, I can give you slight sympathy on that, but all in all it should burn, and SC shouldn't be the theme of your life. If my ascension comes, and we cross paths, I may be forgiving, but most likely I'd execute you out of love and mercy cy cy. That's going to conclude this stream of consciousness.

Drink a beer.

I have more empathy for people than I used to, I think.