Sociopath Community

Set goals you can complete.  Look instead at the things where you've set out to do something and did it.  Examine if those things you say you "quit" were really what you wanted or were things expected of you -- so maybe you feel you're letting others down, but it's complicated with feelings of adequacy, etc.  Living in regret like that won't help you in any way, so you need to maybe consider this learning cues, not chains.

While you're alive, there's always a chance to do something about it.

Buttered Toast said: 

 Examine if those things you say you "quit" were really what you wanted, or were things expected of you. 

 some good advice here, but everything I’ve always set out to do I wanted to do. No one told me to go to acting auditions, nobody told me med school was expected of me.

My parents, especially my father were fairly neglectful if you can believe that 

Med said: 

Buttered Toast said: 

 Examine if those things you say you "quit" were really what you wanted, or were things expected of you. 

 some good advice here, but everything I’ve always set out to do I wanted to do. No one told me to go to acting auditions, nobody told me med school was expected of me.

My parents, especially my father were fairly neglectful if you can believe that 

 

Well, maybe it's a lack of encouragement and then consolation in the face of disappointment, in that case, which make these feelings (which aren't abnormal or bad) more pronounced, worrisome.  The other advice still stands; it would best be seen as material to fuel your motivations or change behavior or perspective.  I'll spare any platitudes, but it really is a matter of letting go of some things or reframing them in a better light to process.  The hardest thing can be to let ourselves down; even harder to forgive ourselves and move forward.  We can do it, though.  It will be ok.  Only the future lays ahead of us; nothing to do about the past but learn from it, and giving yourself opportunities to put that learning to use.

Med said: 

• Two years ago I got in a car accident and totaled a car. In order for the car to be taken to scrap I think I had to let go of a lot of stuff I kept still in my car from my move. MY YEARBOOKS were in there. I joined Facebook in 2004 but quit and didn’t rejoin until 2008. I don’t keep up with everybody and now this is a token of disconnection since I lost the yearbooks.

What about those yearbooks do you seek to get back? 

I personally don't give two shits about my yearbooks, so what makes yours matter more to you than mine to me? 

• I used to take myself to auditions when I was in middle school. I auditioned for a film at the Ken. Cen. but I walked out of the cold reading because IM A “QUITTER” I guess. I can’t help thinking what would have happened if I got the part. It was a very big deal.

You need to allow yourself to fail at things so that you may improve, rather than presume you will get it perfectly from lots of pre-work before bailing once you make one mistake... if not never beginning it from never feeling ready enough. 

• I quit medical school. I could have recouped all these losses I felt from my teen years.

that’s enough for now. What can I do to feel better now?

I've found it helpful for me to try to gauge how realistic my fear of a situation is, since usually the idea of what follows failure is blown well out of proportion. 

To try means there's odds of failure, ones that will ideally minimize overtime with more practice, while to never try means 100% odds of failure in that area with no improvements in sight. 

Failure is the key to growth through experience, without it there is stagnation. For babies learning to walk, it's less about never falling down and more about learning how to stop falling. 

Buttered Toast said: 

Med said: 

Buttered Toast said: 

 Examine if those things you say you "quit" were really what you wanted, or were things expected of you. 

 some good advice here, but everything I’ve always set out to do I wanted to do. No one told me to go to acting auditions, nobody told me med school was expected of me.

My parents, especially my father were fairly neglectful if you can believe that 

Well, maybe it's a lack of encouragement and then consolation in the face of disappointment

In her case it's pre-perfectionist ideals, she doesn't want to screw it up which consequently leads to her not trying if it doesn't seem right. When lacking closure she insists the others fill in that void, which is how she has found herself repeatedly demanding where she applies for work answer her questions, that Chapo talk to her, etc. 

We can also see this when she wants to try games. Pokemon thankfully is enough of a babygame to be picked up quickly, but once she got into faster harder games it's been rougher on her. Rather than try something 100+ times to slowly improve, she will ask a million questions before even really playing it and insist that others need to help her... only for communication barriers to make that step difficult. 

While she does respond positively towards encouragement, she hasn't entirely lacked it so much as watched the resource for it go dry. 

Med said: 

• Two years ago I got in a car accident and totaled a car. In order for the car to be taken to scrap I think I had to let go of a lot of stuff I kept still in my car from my move. MY YEARBOOKS were in there. I joined Facebook in 2004 but quit and didn’t rejoin until 2008. I don’t keep up with everybody and now this is a token of disconnection since I lost the yearbooks.
• I used to take myself to auditions when I was in middle school. I auditioned for a film at the Ken. Cen. but I walked out of the cold reading because IM A “QUITTER” I guess. I can’t help thinking what would have happened if I got the part. It was a very big deal.
• I quit medical school. I could have recouped all these losses I felt from my teen years.

that’s enough for now. What can I do to feel better now?

 You can't change any of these situations now. The only thing you can change is how you feel about them.

For the yearbooks, you mentioned Facebook as an alternative way to keep in touch with your high school peers. Find out when your next high school reunion will be. Try to find more of your classmates through your current friends' friends-lists.

As for quitting the audition and quitting medical school, you can't go back in time and un-quit, but you can decide to let go of how that makes you feel now and move on. You live in the world where that happened, just like you live in the world where everything else happened.

Next time you consider quitting something just remember how you felt about those things, and consider how you may feel later about quitting that thing.

the OP is an unpractical approach.

I personally see the current situation and adapt my solution to it,

It is pointless and wasteful to dwell on the past,

I wish I could say I hate myself so I can wallow in self-pity and do nothing with my life because I am lazy, but it's not how I formed myself, so instead I fight my laziness every day and do shit. It's the same philosophy when blaming others, I could identify them as a problem, but instead of hating them, I think of a way to fix it. It might be removing them from the situation, managing them better, or changing the environment so they fit better, but whatever it is, it is a solution rather than nothing (just blaming them and waiting for them to change on their own).
And I adopted this mindset from national socialism propaganda I read in my early 20ties lol

So the past is irrelevant in terms of making decisions in the present. The past is only relevant in the sense that WHEN it happened, aka in the past (but at the time it would be the present), you need to learn lessons and remember patterns. However you apply this knowledge in the present, so you don't have to think about the past in the present.
If I can go back in time I might change a couple of things, however, I can not, so it is an irrelevant pounder. Therefore I think about how I can fix this now.

Good said: 

the OP is an unpractical approach.

 

I personally see the current situation and adapt my solution to it,

It is pointless and wasteful to dwell on the past,

I wish I could say I hate myself so I can wallow in self-pity and do nothing with my life because I am lazy, but it's not how I formed myself, so instead I fight my laziness every day and do shit. It's the same philosophy when blaming others, I could identify them as a problem, but instead of hating them, I think of a way to fix it. It might be removing them from the situation, managing them better, or changing the environment so they fit better, but whatever it is, it is a solution rather than nothing (just blaming them and waiting for them to change on their own).
And I adopted this mindset from national socialism propaganda I read in my early 20ties lol

 

So the past is irrelevant in terms of making decisions in the present. The past is only relevant in the sense that WHEN it happened, aka in the past (but at the time it would be the present), you need to learn lessons and remember patterns. However you apply this knowledge in the present, so you don't have to think about the past in the present.
If I can go back in time I might change a couple of things, however, I can not, so it is an irrelevant pounder. Therefore I think about how I can fix this now.

 

 I keep getting html errors on mobile replying to your post. I have lost my replies so many times now.

So, Good I too recognize it's pointless to dwell in the past. I think it would be minimized if I acccomplish some BIG, POSITIVE MILESTONE now. I think you know what I mean by milestone. How likely is that to happen soon.

Med said: 

Good said: 

the OP is an unpractical approach.

 

I personally see the current situation and adapt my solution to it,

It is pointless and wasteful to dwell on the past,

I wish I could say I hate myself so I can wallow in self-pity and do nothing with my life because I am lazy, but it's not how I formed myself, so instead I fight my laziness every day and do shit. It's the same philosophy when blaming others, I could identify them as a problem, but instead of hating them, I think of a way to fix it. It might be removing them from the situation, managing them better, or changing the environment so they fit better, but whatever it is, it is a solution rather than nothing (just blaming them and waiting for them to change on their own).
And I adopted this mindset from national socialism propaganda I read in my early 20ties lol

 

So the past is irrelevant in terms of making decisions in the present. The past is only relevant in the sense that WHEN it happened, aka in the past (but at the time it would be the present), you need to learn lessons and remember patterns. However you apply this knowledge in the present, so you don't have to think about the past in the present.
If I can go back in time I might change a couple of things, however, I can not, so it is an irrelevant pounder. Therefore I think about how I can fix this now.

 I keep getting html errors on mobile replying to your post. I have lost my replies so many times now.

So, Good I too recognize it's pointless to dwell in the past. I think it would be minimized if I acccomplish some BIG, POSITIVE MILESTONE now. I think you know what I mean by milestone. How likely is that to happen soon.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

Rather than one big thing, it is more likely to be done through a series of small steps that amount towards a larger outcome.