what is your self-concept ? - 1 - Sociopath Community

this I my self-concept that I am working on: I am a person who has drams and goals- and some people might agree that these are goals worth pursuing and encourage my pursuing of my dreams and goals, and some people might disagree that these goals or worth pursuing and discourage my pursuing if my dreams and goals

lol I do not even know what a healthy self-concept is supposed to look like, I suppose that I am trying to create one

trying to think in terms of- I achieved my goal and succeeded and can now enjoy having achieved that goal, or I did not achieve my goal yet and need to keep trying (this is my attempt to think more rationally and logically instead of using probably unnecessary and judgmental labels like good and bad to encourage or discourage myself and in turn other people, because how we think about ourselves can also influence our interactions with other people)

I have issues with knowing who I am, what is real about me emotionally, and psychologically. I don't know entirely how to describe myself, but I think most of my goals align though some conflict, and some could argue there's an inconsistency in my morality and such. I think of it as absurd. It's why personally I want to try psychedelics to see if it can help me with any reconciliation within myself.

I can tell I can easily get into a "character" almost, and almost mimick aspects of people and characters I like, but I wouldn't say it's too a great extent.

I tend to think reflect and analyze myself so much that it all becomes confusing, and it can give me a great deal of headaches.

All I know is at the moment I have a "cult" that considers me their "leader" and we have a great deal of plans and they seem okay with what I dream of. Obviously, I think of it mostly absurd, but they do align with some of the crux of what we want to do. I just don't know how much they can stomach my fantasies and such if they ever do materialize and are really who I am.

I can come off as grey, contradictory and sometimes scary and cryptic to people. Although, I would admit some of my actions I take joy in, and I terrify people and can derive schadenfreude from it, but I think overall I am innocent.

Back in my old college, everyone thought I was down to earth and chill, until one night I randomly flipped, started screaming, running around laughing like a maniac and terrified them.