Sociopath Community

this I my self-concept that I am working on:  I am a person who has drams and goals-  and some people might agree that these are goals worth pursuing and encourage my pursuing of my dreams and goals,  and some people might disagree that these goals are worth pursuing and discourage my pursuing if my dreams and goals

trying to think in terms of-  I achieved my goal and succeeded and can now enjoy having achieved that goal,  or I did not achieve my goal yet and need to keep trying  (this is my attempt to think more rationally and logically instead of using probably unnecessary and judgmental labels like good and bad to encourage or discourage myself and in turn other people,  because how we think about ourselves can also influence our interactions with other people)

Don't think there is an opposite to splitting, maybe not splitting ?

It has to do with flexibility. Which I'm not sure a BPD can do. Because, to you, everything is either very good, or very bad. 

Or to be more clear. I'm under the impression that BPD's have less shades, or tolerance levels along the spectrum if you will.

Borderlines are pretty scary you know. One of them I'm not so afraid of, but she's capable of dealing serious damage, and another one, I pretty much stay clear of her. There are guys who married a BPD woman, and those guys are scared shitless, some of them broken. The reason is, no one knows who you're going to be at any given time. For example, your Boyfriend will one day come home, and to his dismay, Lilith emerges out of the darkness after all this time, and she might be in a bad mood, and she'll be keeping him company for many long months.

All these questions you're asking as of late. Questioning if it's okay to be bad, or satanic. Obviously something eventful is coming.

Hawk said: 

Don't think there is an opposite to splitting, maybe not splitting ?

It has to do with flexibility. Which I'm not sure a BPD can do. Because, to you, everything is either very good, or very bad. 

Or to be more clear. I'm under the impression that BPD's have less shades, or tolerance levels along the spectrum if you will.

Borderlines are pretty scary you know. One of them I'm not so afraid of, but she's capable of dealing serious damage, and another one, I pretty much stay clear of her. There are guys who married a BPD woman, and those guys are scared shitless, some of them broken. The reason is, no one knows who you're going to be at any given time. For example, your Boyfriend will one day come home, and to his dismay, Lilith emerges out of the darkness after all this time, and she might be in a bad mood, and she'll be keeping him company for many long months.

All these questions you're asking as of late. Questioning if it's okay to be bad, or satanic. Obviously something eventful is coming.

the reason why I am questioning these things is because I am engaged in a therapeutic process called "shadow work" where you essentially explore your subconscious mind and accept and embrace and love the aspects of yourself that you used to try to repress out of feeling "shame and guilt and fear" about them   and in turn it is actually supposed to allow you to control these aspects of yourself better,  instead of those aspects controlling you   soo actually in theory what is coming next will be a better more self controlled version of myself  (which I am very very excited to see what happens)  shadow work is not about becoming more evil,  it is about embracing the aspects of yourself that you used to repress because when you repress those aspects they can cause more trouble in your life because you are essentially neglecting and abusing  (in theory)  some of yourself instead of loving and accepting all of yourself as a total person  🤍🕊

I am willing to explore this therapeutic theory and see what happens because this is a type of therapy that I have never tried before,  and I have tried many types of therapy that are "supposed" to be helpful in the past and a lot of it has not been super effective on me,  soo I am definitely open to try different types of therapy and see what actually starts having a helpful affect on me that allows me to not be in so much inner torment

Fear is a friendly emotion to us. It's very intuitive. What are you actually afraid of ?

Shame and guilt are emotions that course correct us. To be honest, over the years you never seemed to have either of these. There's something else that corrects you, which I think is fear. Fear of death, or of what is to become of you eternally. But shame and guilt ? Don't know if you feel that. You've always been body positive, and you probably still are, it's just you're afraid of what's to become of you in the future, so fear serves you well. 

https://teaandrosemary.com/what-is-shadow-work-prompts/

"Without shadow work, the shadow self comes out sideways at inopportune moments. But if you choose to do shadow work, whether using shadow work questions, meditation, or another method. then you can bring your shadows conscious and make them more easily controlled."

I do feel shame and guilt,  but I also practice self-forgiveness for myself offending other people because I did the best I could with the information that I had at the time,  and forgiving other people for offending me  without practicing forgiveness on a regular basis I would have a lot of shame and guilt because I am a human and I make mistakes just like everyone else and for me self-forgiveness is what allows for the release of shame and guilt that are doing nothing helpful for yourself or anyone else really-  once you have learned the lesson of what to try to avoid doing in the future  (or if it is something that you feel out of control of about yourself because if you cannot control it why feel shame and guilt over it ?  in my opinion-  because it is not you freewill choosing to do it-  it just happens without your input really like an automatic reaction a trigger so to speak,  and shadow work is supposed to allow for more control over how I respond to these triggers,  so I am learning to methods to give me more control so I am doing everything that I can to evolve for the better and less harmful/traumatic/whatever the damage is of responding to a trigger in an out of control possibly damage inflicting way)

"Typically, the shadow self is any part of yourself that you’ve labeled as bad.

Once you label an aspect of yourself as “evil,” you automatically give yourself permission to downplay, ignore, or even completely deny its existence. Despite being out of sight, the shadow has a significant impact on our daily lives.

The parts of ourselves that we try to ignore or suppress don’t go away. If we pay attention to the shadow, which has a life of its own, it can profoundly alter our behavior and the events we encounter in a positive way because we bring our shadows conscious and then can consciously show the best parts of ourselves, instead of being ruled by unconscious beliefs."

I hear you.

After putting some thought into it, I can tell you how I think in terms of grey and not black and white. It's simply steering myself away from behavior I dislike. 

For example, tantrums. I think of that as counterproductive behavior to a point where it looks dumb, or it comes across as dumb. Then for me to act in that manner will bring me great shame. 

Then when shit happens and I feel kinda upset, I know it's think time and I know how poor impulse control will make me prone to being dumb, not really a tantrum but somewhere along that spectrum.

Tantrums make people do stupid things, like the other day I saw these protestors that legit stitched the lips together in protest. These people are dumb right, cause no one gives a shit if they silence themselves. Those types grew up with an inflated sense of importance. 

See this and knowing people who have tantrums also helped me. I recognize the tantrum not only looks dumb, but it actually is dumb and counterproductive. Refraining from such behavior is then experienced to be, the path of least resistance. 

Is this emotional ? Yes, disgust being one of the emotions at play here, and if I don't follow suit, I'll feel shame, and though shame is healthy to have, we'd rather avoid it right. Thinking of shameful moments will make me cringe for life. Literally forever it seems. 

If I do express anger, I'll do it in a calculated manner, but if I lay my wrath too thick I will then be prone to guilt. For example, if I break my target in anger, in essence "kicking someone while they are down" so to speak, I will then be prone to guilt. That being said, for me to totally fuck someone up comes to me at a price, but thinking it was for a greater good will take the edge off, and then I find tolerance. TC wouldn't agree that I'm tolerant, but I did put up with his shit for a decade straight, but I don't really gun for him either.

Hawk said: 

You've always been body positive, and you probably still are

In her case it's compensatory, she has wanted to lose weight multiple times to become more powerful (using adderall and other things to make it easier), talking about how her family gains/loses weight quickly, and has a pretty messy history with it. 

Hawk said: 

After putting some thought into it, I can tell you how I think in terms of grey and not black and white. It's simply steering myself away from behavior I dislike. 

But you think in black and white as well..?