even in like what seems to be the worst of circumstances (it never is, I actually have a blessedly decent life and there are plenty of people who would want to trade lives with even mine- lol it seems so silly because who wants to be on disability with not so good physical health, but I am not in prison, I have a hot shower I have delicious food, I can research and learn about whatever I want to research and learn about, I can sleep as much or as little as I want, I do not have children or anyone who really needs anything from me (although sometimes I wish that I had children Idk if I would be that good of a mother) and so on it is all about perspective, no one and nothing can take your choice to be happy from yourself you are fully in control of that unless literally you do not have the ability to feel happy which is terrifying like with clinical depression which I am not sure if I have ever had that because my choice to feel happy has always been there for me as far as I know but as long as you have the capacity to feel happy you can choose to be happy
soo again, not having clinical depression, that is something else that I can feel happy and grateful for
not that I have not been through serious even suicidal ideation depression in the past oh I have many times, but I always find a way to come out of it- usually through like radical acceptance and choosing to feel happy and choosing to feel grateful- like not letting my upsetting life circumstances keep me feeling upset about them idk there has always been an escape for me, a way out
and if there is anyone out there who has not been able to find the escape and the way out and their only solution was to take their own life, I am soo fucking sorry and I cannot relate because so far I have always been able to find the way out but I do not judge you for giving up because I do not know what it would be like to not be able to find the way out and for some people out there, there might not have been a way out for them for reasons that I do not understand and I am soo sorry for those people and I am not going to try to say oh they just did not want it enough, because I do not see committing suicide as weak I see it as these people could not find a way out and that it is horrifying and I do not know what it would be like to be in their shoes soo I cannot even say that everyone can find a way out :/
umm, where was I going with this ? oh, well a lot of people can I think that a lot of people can find the way out, but not everyone and for some people their pride is an obstacle, and for other people they just seriously do not know how and exhausted all of their internal and external resources (idk how this is possible but again I am not going to judge people for committing suicide because none of us truly know what it was like to be inside of their heads before they chose to commit suicide)