- do enough shadow work to understand where your belief that you are intrinsically bad originated from- this might take a while but once you understand it completely you will realize that you are not intrinsically bad, (you are just another human being with both a good side and a bad side because no one is perfect, and everyone hurts even those closest to them in some way or another)
- have the intrinsic belief that I am a human being with a good and a bad side just like everyone else is a human being with a good and bad side
- have the intrinsic belief that I am worthy of acceptance and love just as much as everyone else is worthy of acceptance and love
- have the intrinsic belief that I am allowed to unconditionally love myself as much as I want to, but included in this realize that if I refuse to change behaviors that are abusing other people's self esteem, abusing them physically, or abusing them sexually that there will be consequences for this like people that are being abused by my behaviors distancing themselves from me
- realize that I am intrinsically worthy of unconditional love just like everyone else is, but that feeling shame and guilt is appropriate when behavior is abusing other people's self esteem, abusing them physically, or abusing them sexually (and that feeling shame and guilt for stuff that is outside of your control and for any other reason that is not a direct result of your behavior abusing other people's self esteem, physical safety, or sexual safety is inappropriate)
- forgiving yourself and other people for past abusivive behavior (difficult but necessary) and try to make things right between yourself and people that your behavior had a harmful impact on, as well as try to understand the perspective of people whose behavior had a harmful impact on you (but if someone continually behaves in abusive ways towards you you should probably distance yourself from that person emotionally and physically through the use of setting healthy boundaries)
