and I blamed myself for everything that went wrong, but really he was just not the right significant other for me
and my relationship with my biological father was also super toxic and I blamed myself for everything that went wrong with that too, but really my biological father is a messed up person and was a messed up person before I was even born
and I am just finally coming to the realization that actually they were to blame for most of everything that went wrong, and where I went wrong was not loving myself enough to set healthy respectful boundaries but like I was too young to know how to do that and no one taught me and this carried on into my adult age It sucks to feel so powerless because knowledge really is power, and I did not know any better It sucks to feel so dependent on knowledge that can be elusive when you really needed it the most like I needed to know how to love myself and no one taught me how and I am not even learning how to properly do that until now at this age with most of my twenties gone
Without knowing you particularly well, you seem to be making a positive evolution over the last few months. Glad to see it.
I can relate to having shitty parents who make you question what you did wrong. Definitely not an easy thing to overcome, but seems like you're finding ways to reconcile what happened.
I'm still imperfectly working on it myself, but agree that framing your folks as flawed humans can be helpful. Makes it less personal, I guess, to remember that they fucked up most of their lives (not just their job as your parent).
and my relationship with my biological father was also super toxic and I blamed myself for everything that went wrong with that too, but really my biological father is a messed up person and was a messed up person before I was even born
How much do you have in common with him? Does he have similar disorders?
It sucks to feel so powerless because knowledge really is power, and I did not know any better It sucks to feel so dependent on knowledge that can be elusive when you really needed it the most like I needed to know how to love myself and no one taught me how and I am not even learning how to properly do that until now at this age with most of my twenties gone
You might have learned some things earlier on in life if you weren't so insistent on learning it all by yourself, immediately. The only exception over the timeframe was over Tryp saying you couldn't learn programming, you stuck to that for at least a month.
When others try to help you you rebuke their efforts and immediately claim you are a professional, until recently anyway. It tends to be those who think they have more to learn who end up learning more.
and my relationship with my biological father was also super toxic and I blamed myself for everything that went wrong with that too, but really my biological father is a messed up person and was a messed up person before I was even born
same. the thing with mental illness is that relapse happens which is hard to accept. i know i always relapse eventually to whatever it is.
