The other day, I was thinking about the question that I occasionally get asked, "what kind of people's company do you enjoy?" And vice versa, "what kind of people's company do you not enjoy?"
My usual answer is the same, people who are honest, chill, etc, etc. However, I think these sort of questions tend to be deceptive. It's difficult to answer them beyond some superficial analysis of character traits and the answer is usually influenced by whatever emotional state you're under when you're asked that question (if I was lonely, I'd probably say I prefer friends who are available, and if I just attended a festival I'd probably go with "outgoing"). Therefore, I propose that the question "what common attributes do most or all of your friends have?" is a better one because it's harder to lie to yourself.
So, I picked 5 random friends and started thinking about this question. I found two things. First, it requires a lot of mental effort to answer the question. Secondly, I found that most of my friends aren't like what I think I want in a friend.
After thinking about it for a while, I surprisingly found that I feel neutral about (my friends vary in these a lot):
1. Availability (I thought I cared about this a lot, but my friends are a varied bunch of available and non-available folks)
2. Intelligence
3. Sense of humor (in an active sense)
4. Moral values
5. Honesty
Secondly, I found that none of my friends are:
1. Judgemental
2. Too self-serious
3. Shallow
4. Impolite
I think in essence it triggers me when someone is overtly judgemental or arrogant, and I think it ties to the self-seriousness thing. I also have noticed that I instantly feel repulsed when someone places superficial values like money, popularity, or career on a pedestal. Despite the fact that all of my friends vary in their personality, humor, values, etc, all of them are polite to everyone around them unless pushed.
Once I figured out who my friends aren't, it's much easier to say what my friends are. So, thirdly, all of my friends are:
1. Non-judgemental
2. Self-deprecating
3. Deep
4. Polite
which is essentially the reverse of what they are not.
So there you go. That's what I like in a human being.
What's your list?
