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HOW;; HOW DO IT DO IT? HOW ?????777!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK


Posts: 4602

1: i stopped drinking, then i stopped smoking weed, then i stopped all other drugs then i quit sugar, and then coffee, then i quit benzo's 

2: i started exercising, i started meditating, stretching, reading, validating myself and others, and setting boundaries (some of which in the form of the above)

it's a lot of work and a lot of effort for a lot of stopping and doing, much of which brings me enjoyment but at times it overwhelms me and i feel trapped, more than i have before, and that's when i eat a cookie, then i drink a coffee with it, then i pop diazepam on a stressful day, then i have a drink in the evening because the diazepam will offset the chronic insomnia which alcohol makes me have, then i crave a fat J and suddenly the only constant is the exercise and i hate myself and haven't meditated or stretched my old man body for weeks. 

it can be over in an instant and i hate it. i just want to drive away far away and go so far. 

anyways it's 3 past 8 oh boyeee don't want to be late now do i? gotta make SOME CALLS. MAKE SOME FUCKING. CALLS. HELLO SIR HAVE COULD YOU SEND OVER tHRE ANSWERS TO THE QUEQTIONS I SENT YOU PLEASE OR DO YOU PREFER GOING OVER THEM IN A CALL? OKAY LETS FUCKING SCHEDULE A FUCKIGN CCALL YOU STUPID CORPORATE CANCEROUS NIGGER FUCK.

Posts: 4602
0 votes RE: HOW;; HOW DO IT DO IT? HOW ?????777!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

cowardice is at the root of many things, fear of failure, the unknown, fear of missing out and it's not even new anymore.

on the other hand i do like my job and the perks that come with it. ahh that feels better. 

RIGHT? YOURE ALL FIGMENTS OF MY ILMAGINATION; LITERALLY. NONE OF YOU ARE REAL. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. ON THIS FUCKING PLATFORM IS REAL TO ME. LITTTLE PUPPTETS DANCING. REEEEEEEEEEEEE

Posts: 4602
0 votes RE: HOW;; HOW DO IT DO IT? HOW ?????777!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

wait... that's not true. 

Posts: 113
0 votes RE: HOW;; HOW DO IT DO IT? HOW ?????777!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

yeah. I stopped drinking and weed also. I feel this calm. But the same old destructive thoughts occupy my mind.

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