(addressing the scat acting out thing that I was going through and I felt out of control over for a while)
I was not taking care of myself for like a year because of the christian ideals of basically thinking of every single normal human being thing that you do is a sin and I understand that christianity works for some people as a religion, but as someone who struggles with a really harsh hateful judgmental inner critic always trying to hold myself up to the standards of what a "perfect christian" should act like- (which of course even Jesus who is supposed to be the Judaic god contradicts himself and could not even follow his own rules perfectly, and this is true even if he was not claiming to be the judaic God but just the God of the New testament he still gives contradicting commands to his followers in the New Testament too) so this is not to say that christianity as a religion ruined my self-etseem and self confidence for like an entire year and a couple months, but my interpretation of the religion did so regardless like I am glad that christianity works for the people who see being a Christian as still loving and accepting yourself completely and totally no matter what you are going through and forgiving yourself anyway, but I could not see it that way because I was trying to figure out what was the right and wrong way to act and think about everything based on what the scriptures said and there were so much contradictions that like my self-esteem and self confidence became nonexistent and that is horrible and I felt horrible especially these last few months
but I am recovering soo hopefully I stop feeling like sh** soon, and thank you all for your support and attempts to help me feel better and more mentally healthy
