Ik that our relationship was mostly in my head and that is why I am letting it go but, truthfully I never required much from you in the past because I was so infatuated and you took full advantage of that
I never even required a response from you and I idolized you like a god and I lost myself in the fantasy version of you that I had in my mind and I will never get the past year and a half back and I am never going to idolize a man like I idolized you again and if you want me back you have to do it right and treat me with respect even though I am obese now mostly because of the emotional abuse of idolizing you while asking for nothing in return I lost myself and my self-esteem and my self confidence and I put my faith in a religion that trains people to be ashamed of just being human with all of our flaws and imperfections and I am not perfect but neither are you we are two humans and we both have psychological issues and if you want me back I want to be treated as an equal and as your Queen even in all of my fatness and it is not to embarrass you that I let myself go, I was going through a lot of psychological and emotional darkness and confusion and a lot of stress
I can lose the weight again I do not even have much of an appetite anymore and I know that you can pay for all of my doctor bills you have plenty of money and you probably always will because you are talented at coming up with it I can become physically beautiful for you to match my inside but you are going to have to pay for it I can be what you want me to be but I am not good at coming up with money so you have to do that part for me and for us
I still have feelings for you but if I continued on abusing myself the way that I was then we would never be able to have a real relationship Irl and if I love you so much why would I prefer a relationship where you do not even talk to me and I just idolize you while I'm dying inside because I want to be close to you ?
so yeah