19:53 JesusistheKing: have you thought about maybe forming a relationship with yourself ? like falling in love with yourself
19:54 JesusistheKing: I think the concept of being self partnered could be helpful for you it is for me, because when we love ourselves we do not settle for significant others that are not there for us, or who tell us that we are bad/not good enough
19:55 JesusistheKing: I do not think chapo deserves your affection or money, personally because he is not responding to you in supportive ways
I would prefer that she get a good trauma and relationship therapist or even better an Internal Family Systems therapist, but she does not seem interested rn so I am breaking my own rule about people struggling with mental illness should not be giving advice to other people struggling with mental illness, and I did give her this advice and I am going to ask that other people on the forum maybe expand upon and contribute their experiences with learning to love themselves, self- love self- compassion and being self-partnered if any of you have anything to add
the reason why I am breaking my rule that I normally have is because she might not believe or understand that being in love with herself could even be possible for her, and that makes me really sad because she is my friend and my advice is coming from a place of benevolent compassion and I have examined myself and made sure that there are no ulterior motives behind giving this advice to her
a lot of times, when people are struggling with mental illness they can give guidance and advice that can be very damaging to other people especially if they took that advice but I do not think that there is anything damaging about encouraging people to be compassionate with themselves and to love themselves and be self-partnered, especially when the alternative is to beg someone who has a history of not being very supportive towards you to change their mind and suddenly become supportive because begging has already shown itself to not be affective on the person that she wants it to be effective on
Med actually has the potential within her to fill herself up with everything that she is wanting Chapo to give her, without even needing another person to give it to her she could give it all to herself, the feelings of being loved and compassionate with herself and unconditionally accepting herself she could essentially be her own parent and lover and this is who I am being for myself right now as part of my healing journey because I do not want another person to be my partner unless that person is going to add to my life instead of take away from it
and Chapo is basically telling Med that she is not good enough for him, which that is his own opinion but not a fact, at all, it is just his personal choice to see her that way and I think that instead of begging him to see her differently or like he used to or anything like that is a waste of time, because she does not even need validation from him she could be giving herself all of her own validation and with that comes so much freedom, and you stop having to settle with trying to get approval and validation and acceptance from someone who does not want to see you as "good enough" for whatever reason to be a recipient of their own support and friendship or partnership and so on
