all of the way through k so I have had the fear that what I experienced during the first half of 2021 was a super intense manic episode and that if I was to genuinely thoroughly study the bible that I would find too many "contradictions" like the skeptics claim are in there and lose my faith, which would mean losing the belief system that was finally giving meaning to and explanation to my life experiences but by being brave and studying them anyway, I am actually exercising my faith which is obedience to Jesus and bravery and beautify and goodness and righteousness and all of those good things so I do not see anything bad about it at all I see myself as very brave and courageous personally especially with how much psychological and emotional trauma that I have been through throughout my life so Idk 🤔🤷♀️