What if it's a burden someone is willing to bear?
When I'm not in good spirits I presume they're just 'telling me that' over how my loss would be harder to face than my continued existence.
Right. It's a presumption. Even if people aren't always "feeling it", there's no way to know or change or do anything about this if one's existence is discontinued.
Effectively I have two burdens to pick from: A lifelong carrying over whatever I live on as in their heads with them mad at me for making them feel that way after my death, or living as a disappointment to those around me.
The question becomes which is a bigger burden, and I've been led to believe my death is the one that'd do it.