It might not seem like I care about my physical appearance but I did and a lot of my personality was really tied into that I was actually very vain but there is nothing that I think is physically beautiful about myself anymore except for my hair but nothing else my face does not even look like how I feel like fits my personality but Jesus is forcing me to accept it and care about the inner beauty of myself and everyone else instead and this is extremely triggering and difficult and a struggle for me in so many ways I do not know how to not care if I am physically ugly it used to seem so important to try to avoid being physically ugly
but Jesus was physically ugly too or at least "not lust afterable looking" so maybe he is turning me into that too now but it is triggering me so much It feels SOOOOOOOOOO WEIRD AND DISTURBING
I DO NOT LIKE IT
