I make this post to reflect on one of my greatest issues, which has harmed my life in numerous ways. Oftentimes, particularly with people I do not know well, I sometimes perceive the way I am being spoken to as unacceptable. This is especially true if they are being openly critical. I begin thinking they're just an asshole who is trying to make suggestions for me out of self importance and ego rather than my actual well being. Or if it's a business dealing, I might begin to feel as if I'm being screwed; like if a boss seems to be trying to have me work beyond what they are paying me. Once irritated, the proper reaction might be to explain to the person precisely how I feel wronged and why and attempt to assert myself.
The problem is, this assertive approach can be difficult to pull off and requires very precise wording. In addition, I fear that if I attempt to deal with it calmly they might take advantage of my cool demeanor to get more snarky or sneaky comments in or further try to screw me over. So I cop out and instead of doing any of that I just become beligerant and tell the person how much I cannot stand dealing with them in an aggressive manner. This often happens suddenly when I finally have had enough and looks like a drastic shift from passivity to aggression. In short, it ends up burning bridges or hurting my credibility as a sane reasonable person even if my actual underlying concerns are fair.
It seems I have a difficult time being assertive. It's much easier either being passive or aggressive. Being assertive requires more open, non black and white thinking that challenges me to think hard about the person I am encountering difficulties with and take more than my own view into consideration. It requires careful and precise wording to get a point across and mental fortitude to both not fly off the handle or be browbeaten into compromise. All of these are tricky but it would probably be in my best interest to learn these skills.
What about you, has anybody else suffered from this issue? How did you deal with it? Do you have this problem yourself?
