Over the years here, I sort of played with perception management to an extreme, roleplaying as various characters, inventing them, and their lives. I would see it as both, being an author, and, acting. As a theatrical person, as some of you may know from my dox, I actually grew up an actor.
Some will call it method acting, others will call it online role play, etc.
But essentially, I just took people's perceptions of me and started to "play it up" for fun.
I think it is *fun* to play characters, it's creative, and exciting. The characters themselves entertain me. It allows sides of myself that I didn't know existed to eep out through the cracks, surprisingly, it's entirely improv, stream of consciousness. Reacting.
Now, I'm old, I'm 26. I've been doing this for a long time in my youth. But I have to put this out there, to let poeple know, the person behind the screen, is not the characiture that I 'play up' for entertainment. I thought this would be obvious to people, that I was just playing around for the sake of irony and comedy, and obviously, a real person isn't like this.
But it turns out a lot of people actually thought I was serious.
I have to say, while I really enjoy my characters, and they are essentially "played up" parts of me, they're perhaps derrived from qualities of me or my life, the actual person behind the keyboard... is a bit different.
For a while I was enjoying playing this sort of histrionic, ego-dystonic, self absorbed overly classy yet, rough around the edges, unsympathetic, unforgiving, cranky spoiled bitch type 'overly feminine' character.
I really enjoy her. Because, at least she has, gusto, some energy, some spark, some confidence. She's witty, and funny. And, puts herself first. Goes for what she wants, and takes it. She believes in her own beauty, doesn't take no for an answer, doesn't care what other people think. And says all the things you're 'not supposed to say' because they're socially unacceptable, too, blunt, too honest, too crass.
And all of this is done, in the scope of, for irony's sake. It's, a character. It's not only entertainment but, a scape goat for, all the things you're not supposed to say or be, because society would hate you for it. Sort of like when we laugh at jokes that are really offensive, and we'd never say, at work in fear of getting fired. But it's okay when the comedian on stage says it.
Blanc, the account, is my comedian. It's an outlet for all the stuff I have never allowed to be, or say, or do. But it's, interesting, it's, fun. It's whimsical. There is always something new, in the lives of these characters. They can help you peer into yourself, they can be a portal to a very introspective experience, or can be a commentary on societal, bull shit, in a way. Either way, they open up doors to express, a part of the human experience we all have and know, but can't really put into words. They embody that.
And for that reason, this account for. along time now, I have considered, a work of art in itself. And I want to make it clear the distinction, I'm not obsessed with myself when I post as blanc... or about blanc. And the rambling paragraphs. It is because I am obsessed with my art, and art, in general. Deep down, that is what I am, I am just, an artist. Not everyone, likes your art, not everyone, understands it. Not everyone understands what it is to be an artist, or why you do what you do. And that's perfectly ok. It is all perception. The reason why I do what I do, is, plainly, a coping mechanism. This account has been a coping mechanism for me.
And on the note of perception, I apologize for being so, theatrical with my participation here, and using this internet gutter as a personal void, and catharsis. I hope you enjoyed the time spent with these characters and novels as much as I have... but if not, that's okay too.
I just want everyone to know how much, I dearly hold you all to my heart, and SC as a whole. How much you all mean to me, what I feel about you as individuals, is hard to put into words. I just was made aware that, perhaps it's been misconstrued that I would feel otherwise, so I just want to make it clear. I've always loved you all very much. And I'm glad we all had the chance of meeting. I don't know how else to say it, but I appreciate and adore each of you. And what it's all meant to me, I just, all I can say is I am grateful. Thank you.
Blanc 3.0
