In other parts of the web, I dealt with a beautiful girl that wanted to date me, meet one day and live together. She wanted a life with me where she would cook for me, and we'd fuck. I know that it sounds fake, given the way I am, but I promise it is true, I turned her down because I don't really desire a relationship like that. I don't want to be treated like a king, and my ambitions in life are way to cruel and will probably lead to my own death. I'd want a girl who has similar visions and ambitions to me, I want a strong girl who we could improve each other, train, and become masters of our destiny, that could build something grand, and we would die fighting for it.
My own Ulrike Meinhof, or Tamara Bunke. It's not that I would necessarily want to put her in danger, but it wouldn't necessarily be up to me. She would be her own person, and we would merely share a vision.
.....What? And you missed out on that opportunity...? You could just bang her endlessly as an outlet for your lust. It almost sounds like.... you want to have sex with yourself. You're not looking for a partner... You're looking for yourself. Or Xena. Xena is a bit like how you describe your ideal partner.
Hypothetically speaking.. You could always just put a huge mirror in the bedroom and look at yourself as you bang your girl.. Have you ever seen Christian Bale in American Psycho? You remind me of him somehow.
This might sound strange, and obviously it's not something that I think is possible for me, but parts of my mind dream of being purely lustless. I'd rather not have such desires, but I know I do, and the things I imagine can be a bit extreme. It's a war in my head that calls it decadence, or just a mere fantasy or the possibility that I would develop into such depraved things I imagine, but I'd like to think I'm above morally becoming something like Ted Bundy where I prey on and rape and murder women or feminine men.
She was pretty sexy, she sent me some photos but I only have a video of her, but I don't share such things out of my own principles, and I only kept it because I was drunk one night, and felt the arousal, since she'd always be trying to talk to me, and lovely dovey. She was a Korean with caramel skin. She didn't like me drinking and stuff, and other quirks about her kind of annoyed me with how obsessive she was. She'd get emotional and shit. If I tried to seek her out again, I'd probably just use her for her body to send me nudes and shit, but I already did that with a different girl recently that was also annoying, and I actively try not to, because I don't like doing that stuff, even though she wanted to, and I let her see my dick. In general, it's rather crass and I try not to act on such impulses. That girl though, I don't like for her personality, and how she can be a leech to her best friend.
In regards to me loving myself, and wanting to fuck myself, I have imagined myself as a girl, and fucking them.
I have seen American Psycho, and I love it. Xena seems like a lovely person, but I don't think I could just commit to any relationship yet, if that were even a possibility. I got a lot to work on. I recall having some conversations with her, back when I was on my Sintetika account.
