Maybe when I am reunited with my best friend who calls me her guardian angel, and I find myself in a new place of opportunity, my mind will be repaired, and I'll be able to experience crying and cry again. Maybe, I could stop being this constant feeling of bitterness. Parts of me doesn't want the violent thoughts to go away, at least not entirely. I still desire vengeance and to crucify. Maybe I could find actual love rather than the shit I have experienced time and time again that makes me cold.
I just got to make sure I can get there, the only thing in my way is family, and myself. My paranoia and fears. I must go forward, lest I rot here and eventually snap and die.
I gotta use this to find out who I am. I need to become someone. It's so staticy. It's uncertainty. I don't know who I am. I don't even know what I feel. I question what memories are even real. Surrealness, and blandness. It's like most of my life has meant nothing and is nothing, and I just inhabit this "person".
I wish I could have the vibrant, deep expressions of humanity, I see so many others have. Perhaps in my own way I do, if anyone considers my ramblings and dreams to be "beautiful". Those who look up to me, say so, and desire me to be the leader. They re-affirm my views and that I have enlightened them.
I desire my own guardian angel, I wish that if I achieved everything I wanted and go through the strife and pain it will bring that I could just lay my head on an Angel's lap and cry as they caress my face and re-assure me that what I built was good, and that I did something great as a construct of this universe.
It is scary as I get shit like this in my recommended, and maybe even though I realize it's just chance, part of me wants to believe that somehow it is some force speaking to me.
I just relate to this man, even if he was someone I would've killed, his aesthetics and aura calls to me, along with others in history.
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Maybe I could find actual love rather than the shit I have experienced time and time again that makes me cold.
In my opinion it's a mistake to show a woman how deeply you feel for her. The minute you do that she'll have you, then start thinking she can do better and when things do downhill it'll be your fault. Kinda like those cheating videos where the woman gets caught cheating, 9/10 times she will argue it's his fault.
Men who express admiration for their girls the way we naturally do, they'll get the incel status, and probably end up friendzoned by women they are interested in dating.
In 2021 the state of dating isn't doing so hot. Social media has generalized narcissism, where so many people want to show off how wonderful their life is and in the process a lot of it has to do with vanity.
When looking for romance you'll hear "Be yourself". Yet at the same time we know that isn't going to work probably for most people. We are creatures of change, so make changes. Get into positive things and get ripped. Maybe she likes the money, or the bod, or the personality. It'll still take several years to get to know someone.
Maybe I could find actual love rather than the shit I have experienced time and time again that makes me cold.
In my opinion it's a mistake to show a woman how deeply you feel for her. The minute you do that she'll have you, then start thinking she can do better and when things do downhill it'll be your fault. Kinda like those cheating videos where the woman gets caught cheating, 9/10 times she will argue it's his fault.
Men who express admiration for their girls the way we naturally do, they'll get the incel status, and probably end up friendzoned by women they are interested in dating.
In 2021 the state of dating isn't doing so hot. Social media has generalized narcissism, where so many people want to show off how wonderful their life is and in the process a lot of it has to do with vanity.
When looking for romance you'll hear "Be yourself". Yet at the same time we know that isn't going to work probably for most people. We are creatures of change, so make changes. Get into positive things and get ripped. Maybe she likes the money, or the bod, or the personality. It'll still take several years to get to know someone.
In my recent years, it's been girls falling in love with me because I'm kind to them, but these are online friendships, and the ones I talk to are ones that vent to me and look up to me.
I don't go out of my way to be extremely lovey dovey to a girl and expect something in return. The only girl I love, I accept that I won't have because of just how things are, but I still check in on her, and make sure she's doing okay.
In my mind, it doesn't bother me too much, sure part of me desires love, but then there's other parts of me that would rather discard such things for more important things. I'm in no rush, and I am sure I will fuck up a lot when I do go seeking out love, and it'll be a trial and error thing.
In my recent years, it's been girls falling in love with me because I'm kind to them, but these are online friendships, and the ones I talk to are ones that vent to me and look up to me.
x Doubt
They're not falling for you because you're nice to them.
You have the "mojo" that every man desires. I have it too... The secret mojo that is just oh-so-hard-to-describe.
Buttered Toast: (Lolling at a German dude's English grammar)
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