I've tried being the bigger person and not posting negatively about my wife on here, because in a normal relationship with normal people typically posting about every fight on sociopath community isn't typically the way to solve it. I thought maybe if I ignored it and just lived my life she'd realize how dumb it all was and quit, but obviously that's not going to happen. For one reason or another she needs this forum to be happy in life. Well if I'm going to be part of a reality show I may as well put my perspective out there.
You've got to understand that I am in a position where every single time I make her angry aka do something she does not like, I have to deal with her coming on here in a huff and go on an outpouring of negative hatred against me. Never in my life have I heard of this kind of behavior in a marriage outside my own. Yes I'll admit, I've gotten mad at her and chatted up other girls online. It wasn't cool and I regret it. But at least I didn't openly attack her on a sociopath forum where half the people probably wanna see the relationship crash and burn just for fun.I
I think at some point me and her went on divergent paths. There was a time when I was just as hooked on this place. I just couldn't stay away, like she can't now. But something changed inside me. I quit needing it, because whatever was missing in me that made me need to come here to seek whatever it was I was getting, got filled in. I found ways to keep my own company and began working on my real life. For whatever reason not only does she need to be here for some reason but she also needs to use it as a soapbox to "vent". Well last time I checked that's what a marriage counselor is for.
I guess now she's blaming me for our financial situation, but I was perfectly fine with just cooking where we live. We have MONTHS worth of dry food stored up where we live. But because sometimes the landlady comes out and yells over the kitchen, she has refused to cook out of fear of getting reprimanded. So we began eating out all the time. I've even had arguments that not getting in trouble over kitchen mess is not worth the financial decay we are experiencing. And yes, I'll admit that sometimes my appetite gets out of control and I want more food which does cost more but I have a much higher metabolism than her. The fact is we've both caused a lot of money to go down the drain over the price of our food, it isn't just me.
Then there's the claim that I'm jobless. First off I do all the work for the landlady to knock out part of our rent. It's not easy work either. The first month we were here before we began getting worried about the landlady's draconian kitchen policy all the work I did saved us a very large amount of money and we actually beyond broke even. If we could just cook and not worry about that, we'd be fine. It is true that I did get a job at one point but did she mention I quit it to keep her from being disqualified medical insurance? The only alternative would have been to put her on my work medical insurance plan, which would have made us make even less money overall than we do now. Just remember everyday from about 8 AM to 12 PM on here if she's on here, I'm likely hard at work for the landlady.
I will admit that I did use 40$ to get shrooms. I thought the purported insights would make it worth it. It sure was a good experience and there were insights, but I do wish I didn't do it now because the conflict since then has not been worth it. I probably should have at least got her permission to get them even if I was gonna take them alone.
I didn't even wanna have to make this post. Actually, I wish she'd just stay off of here because it doesn't seem like she's directing positive energy here. And even if it is somewhat of a release, I'm pretty sure this place generates additional aggression on top of whatever is being released here considering the conflict-ridden nature of SC. Really all I want is a good and healthy relationship, not a blame game. And despite all of it I do love her. I hope she can figure out whatever underlying thing draws her into this so much.
Oh by the way, we're not even doing as bad as being presented. We got several job connections, we're actually pretty damn close to achieving something meaningful. I'm actually liking the island more than I thought and we're both making all kinds of new friends. We've hit a rough patch in our personal relationship but if we can push through this I think we're at the start of something very nice that we will be proud of in the end.
Anyway, just wanted to say something about all this. There will be no extended stay. I've been doing just fine off of here. I'm sure more posts will be made about me because I'm sure I'll piss her off again. Contrary to how she is making me look, I don't stop her from making posts on here. I sure wish she'd stop on her own though. And this isn't to shame her or attack her or any of that shit. I just couldn't stand to not say anything though, so that's what I have to say. Peace out.
