and I feel very guilty about it
and it is because I am reading this book called "God's best kept secret" https://www.godsbestkeptsecret.com/ about Jesus's grace and what it truly means to be born again and having the identity that Jesus gives you because he lives in you and you live in him
and it has exercises, and I am at this exercise where I have to address all of the core lies that I believe about my identity and it is bringing up a lot of fear and panic and traumatic emotions and memories from my past during this incarnation, because I was traumatized a lot by people and by Satan manipulating me and other people against me before I became saved