I haven't felt particularly happy lately, so I'm taking my own advice and leaving the forum.
I think the way I've been acting isn't quite myself. I'm really a fairly simple person. The kind of things that make me happy is waking up and seeing my wife happily steal all the morning porridge I cooked, walking around the beach during sunset, or helping out one of my students who genuinely appreciate it. I'm not really suitable for this forum, I think.
I don't believe in DSM-IV. However, I believe in neuroplasticity. I think how you view the world and how your brain is wired depends on what kind of feedback you give it. That's more or less neuroplasticity summarised. I'd say my personal experience verifies it. When I was younger, I used to troll endlessly. I spent almost all my time attacking people I thought justly deserved it. I never attacked those I didn't think deserved it. However, thinking back on it, I was really lonely. I was constantly afraid of how people view me, because of how I viewed others. I was really forcing out those ugly parts of people.
Honestly, after just a few days of bashing Lenalee, I feel horrid. I feel mentally exhausted. I thought it wouldn't affect me, because I genuinely think this person deserves it, but it does. I can't believe I kept something like this up for years when I was younger; I must've been a huge lonely mess. It really brings me back to how depressed I used to be, and how negative my outlook on life was. I don't really want to be like that.
I don't believe that people troll because they are fat and miserable. I think they're fat and miserable because they troll. There's some momentary pleasure in bashing someone. Yet, that feeling is very fleeting in the long-term. I think, in the end, you just become spiteful. After years of doing it, you will become unable to have normal relationships.
I think I'll, instead, focus on the nice things I have in life. I don't think I'm very suited for this forum. I'm here really only because I like to chat with Turncoat every now and then. That's about it. And maybe Spatial + Feathers, they're kind of nice too.
I'd say that maybe I'm here also due to some sort of weird feeling of familiarity. After being here for so long, I feel compelled to check up on things every now and then. Yet, I'm usually repelled to visit this place again shortly after returning. I genuinely mean it whenever I say I will leave, though, so I'm somehow always surprised when I find myself checking up on the people here yet again.
