I have recently come out of my shell and started dating. A little bit about myself: I'm 27 years old, male, who is probably a sociopath. I lack feelings and do not understand how humans think.
Anyway, I started trying to find girls and I've been reading many guides about various dating tips, etc, etc. Last night, I finally gathered to courage and took a chance with someone, but now I'm really afraid of embarrassing myself again, because honestly it was probably the worst night of my life.
I was at a bar with some friends. Well, not really friends, more like acquaintainces. I really don't like them very much, honestly.
Anyway, I found this small girl chatting with the bartender, and I thought I would approach her. I honestly think she didn't like the bartender. The girl, let's call her Samantha, was a little awkward at first when I came there. I'm not really very good at approaching people and to be honest I was a little nervous. Anyway, we hit it off, and it looked like she really enjoyed my company when I was explaining some details about my life.
She was smiling, so I tried to break the touch barrier by touching her lightly on the shoulder while I was laughing about something. She was a bit nervous but honestly I think she liked it at the time. So I touched her some more every now and then in the conversation in different places. Honestly I think she started losing interest at some point and her replies became like "aha" and "is that so?" when I was explaining about how my mom died from cancer and other things that honestly I feel very insecure about sharing.
She left me for some other guy that I think honestly was probably his friend. So I returned to my friends. Later that night I found her dancing with some guy on the dance floor. In hindsight I honestly was pretty drunk and now regert this. I was given advise by some pua website so I went to her from behind, and grabbed her boobs "accidentally." I thought it would be a fun playful attractive thing at the time, but she was really angry at me, so I left her alone, but honestly I was a bit hurt.
Then later that after downing some 6 shots of vodka and dont know how many beers, I saw her with her friends. Most of my acquantainces had left me but I didnt give a shit because honestly I dont even like them. I read from datingmetrics.com that you're supposed to "eye fuck" a girl if you want her to become attracted to you. So I was staring at her from a distance. Honestly I'm a little shy so I was turning my head back and forth but I think I maintained eye contact with her at least 75% of the time.
She ignored it, so I went to her friends, and tried to "isolate the target" by being best buddies with her friends and ignoring her so she feels worthless like I did, but it turns out it became real awkward real fast since her friends didn't like me and honestly I didn't like them either, so I returned to my table.
Later that night, I saw her going out with some guy and I felt real angry and worthless. I've always never understood people or how they behave or what "social rules" are. It seems like so much trouble.
I found another girl at the same bar who was alone at a table so I approached her because I was feeling worthless and I really didn't like anyone or anything at the time, only negative thoughts in my head. It was a real awkward conversation and I mostly just talked about my lego collection but honestly I just wanted to get her naked and fuck her.
I was told that I need to be confident and previously I read that I should be romantic and arouse girls by talking dirty. So after explaining how my mom used to cook my favorite meal, which is salmon with spring onion and cirus pepper, I hugged her and whispered in her ear "I’m picturing you naked in my head and it’s turning me on" as I was told by this website. She was looking visibly really confused and awkward, so I started talking about my favorite food again because I was honestly feeling very helpless.
Anyway, at some point I left her alone. I did follow her to her apartment to see what kind of life she has and if we are perhaps meant for each other, but it looks like she's nirvana fan and I hate nirvana so probably not. Honestly I'm feeling a little helpless due to being a sociopath and I think I will never get a human girl, get laid, or feel happy. I think even whores would reject me.
