Sociopath Community

is your head just like an empty chamber where you do things without knowing what you're doing or why you're doing it?

ddddddd said: 

17:40:32Bla bla bla schizo talk in before Aizen comes and ist mean etc

I noticed recently that I turn relationships ambivalent like I will change my voice and talk like a kid or so and will insult the other person and it is like an understood joke that this is our humor. Like this girl - one of my best friends - invited me with her family to go to France etc and I went there the past 2 weeks. It was all so nice and such a good friendship bla bla and trust etc, but then I drank too much and then I kinda adapt an evil persona that is kinda joking but also real at the same time. I told her I will turn her family against her and destroy her etc and we were laughing about it, because it was understood that it is a joke. But then I went ahead and kinda did it over the next 24 hours in a subtle but for her very obvious way while the others joined me in thinking it is just banter. Then she spent the next day crying and isolating herself and shit. Bla bla bla dddd is evil bla. At the end I apologized tbh I did not want to hurt her but sometimes this Schtick persona takes over and it is all so obvious on a meta level to everybody that sometimes I don't Really know what is joke and what not.

I guess the essence of this whole thing is: it could have been a very pure and intimate experience to just let it be a nice family thing etc. Something that I want in my life and that would be healing and wholesome. But I had to make it perverted and twisted. I am Wondering why I create experiences and relationships in this way. 

 This sounds like me a bit. When you’re drunk, your brain is working and making plans subconsciously. When you’re sober, your brain puts those plans in action, also subconsciously because that was the plan your brain was set on when you were drunk. It isn’t like you want to do that, but when you’re drunk, your brain can’t tell which plans are real and which are part of a joke. 

I’m guessing that without alcohol, you’re a goal oriented person, so you always accomplish what you set your mind to. So much so that it’s almost an automatic process, like your brain is like insert goal here, and then it calculates what you have to do to get to that goal, without you having to do much work. It just fills in the logical next steps for you. This is how my brain works and is why things like that happen to me too. 

When I drink, everything goes away, except my raw non thinking self, so you can really see my mental health issues that I hide well in real life. It kind of buries the thoughts I have when I’m drunk, deep down where I hide my craziness when I’m sober, so it’s not where I can reach it when I’m sober, but it’s there and my actions still reflect my drunken thoughts and even my mental illness, when I’m sober. Your  subconscious doesn’t perceive the difference between jokes and your true intentions. 

That’s my guess based on why this happens to me.

tl;dr 😴

ddddddd said: 

17:40:32Bla bla bla schizo talk in before Aizen comes and ist mean etc

I noticed recently that I turn relationships ambivalent like I will change my voice and talk like a kid or so and will insult the other person and it is like an understood joke that this is our humor. Like this girl - one of my best friends - invited me with her family to go to France etc and I went there the past 2 weeks. It was all so nice and such a good friendship bla bla and trust etc, but then I drank too much and then I kinda adapt an evil persona that is kinda joking but also real at the same time. I told her I will turn her family against her and destroy her etc and we were laughing about it, because it was understood that it is a joke. But then I went ahead and kinda did it over the next 24 hours in a subtle but for her very obvious way while the others joined me in thinking it is just banter. Then she spent the next day crying and isolating herself and shit. Bla bla bla dddd is evil bla. At the end I apologized tbh I did not want to hurt her but sometimes this Schtick persona takes over and it is all so obvious on a meta level to everybody that sometimes I don't Really know what is joke and what not.

I guess the essence of this whole thing is: it could have been a very pure and intimate experience to just let it be a nice family thing etc. Something that I want in my life and that would be healing and wholesome. But I had to make it perverted and twisted. I am Wondering why I create experiences and relationships in this way. 

 Because your need to feel in control overrides your need to be a soft faggot?

Just make a new personality bro

ddddddd said: 

17:40:32Bla bla bla schizo talk in before Aizen comes and ist mean etc

I noticed recently that I turn relationships ambivalent like I will change my voice and talk like a kid or so and will insult the other person and it is like an understood joke that this is our humor. Like this girl - one of my best friends - invited me with her family to go to France etc and I went there the past 2 weeks. It was all so nice and such a good friendship bla bla and trust etc, but then I drank too much and then I kinda adapt an evil persona that is kinda joking but also real at the same time. I told her I will turn her family against her and destroy her etc and we were laughing about it, because it was understood that it is a joke. But then I went ahead and kinda did it over the next 24 hours in a subtle but for her very obvious way while the others joined me in thinking it is just banter. Then she spent the next day crying and isolating herself and shit. Bla bla bla dddd is evil bla. At the end I apologized tbh I did not want to hurt her but sometimes this Schtick persona takes over and it is all so obvious on a meta level to everybody that sometimes I don't Really know what is joke and what not.

I guess the essence of this whole thing is: it could have been a very pure and intimate experience to just let it be a nice family thing etc. Something that I want in my life and that would be healing and wholesome. But I had to make it perverted and twisted. I am Wondering why I create experiences and relationships in this way. 

This is a very natural thing to do. We see the members here follow similar paths. For example, Turncoat annoys people he knows and cares about just to see another side of them. People are naturally curious about how others respond. There's something so nice about breaking people, so intimate, so wrong, yet so right. There's nothing quite like ruining a friendship or torturing someone who cares about you. It's like their tears give you power. Just look at Jimmy boy and how he gets an erection out of Indian girls getting raped.

It's a very natural thing to do and we're all fucked up to one degree or another. It's the people who reject those primal instincts in favor of a higher ideals that are special or extraordinary. Like in Schindler's list where that guy tells the psycho nazi that real power is knowing you can break people but choosing to forgive them. There's something..... Amazing about that. It makes you feel so fucking high. And that's Aizen. He resists his primal urges. J/K he's just a virgin and would give in to them the moment he could if he wasn't afraid.

You're RPing and the fact that you're making this topic is an ego-trip for you to self-reflect on things you find fascinating but ugly about yourself, and for others to see your ugliness and for you to feed on others' reactions. There's no extrinsic award for being normal, you van only rely on your intrinsic values and higher ideals. It's boring to follow it isn't it? It's so hard. Only Metaerg can do it.

tpp said: 

ddddddd said: 

17:40:32Bla bla bla schizo talk in before Aizen comes and ist mean etc

I noticed recently that I turn relationships ambivalent like I will change my voice and talk like a kid or so and will insult the other person and it is like an understood joke that this is our humor. Like this girl - one of my best friends - invited me with her family to go to France etc and I went there the past 2 weeks. It was all so nice and such a good friendship bla bla and trust etc, but then I drank too much and then I kinda adapt an evil persona that is kinda joking but also real at the same time. I told her I will turn her family against her and destroy her etc and we were laughing about it, because it was understood that it is a joke. But then I went ahead and kinda did it over the next 24 hours in a subtle but for her very obvious way while the others joined me in thinking it is just banter. Then she spent the next day crying and isolating herself and shit. Bla bla bla dddd is evil bla. At the end I apologized tbh I did not want to hurt her but sometimes this Schtick persona takes over and it is all so obvious on a meta level to everybody that sometimes I don't Really know what is joke and what not.

I guess the essence of this whole thing is: it could have been a very pure and intimate experience to just let it be a nice family thing etc. Something that I want in my life and that would be healing and wholesome. But I had to make it perverted and twisted. I am Wondering why I create experiences and relationships in this way. 

This is a very natural thing to do. We see the members here follow similar paths. For example, Turncoat annoys people he knows and cares about just to see another side of them. People are naturally curious about how others respond. There's something so nice about breaking people, so intimate, so wrong, yet so right. There's nothing quite like ruining a friendship or torturing someone who cares about you. It's like their tears give you power. Just look at Jimmy boy and how he gets an erection out of Indian girls getting raped.

It's a very natural thing to do and we're all fucked up to one degree or another. It's the people who reject those primal instincts in favor of a higher ideals that are special or extraordinary. Like in Schindler's list where that guy tells the psycho nazi that real power is knowing you can break people but choosing to forgive them. There's something..... Amazing about that. It makes you feel so fucking high. And that's Aizen. He resists his primal urges. J/K he's just a virgin and would give in to them the moment he could if he wasn't afraid.

You're RPing and the fact that you're making this topic is an ego-trip for you to self-reflect on things you find fascinating but ugly about yourself, and for others to see your ugliness and for you to feed on others' reactions. There's no extrinsic award for being normal, you van only rely on your intrinsic values and higher ideals. It's boring to follow it isn't it? It's so hard. Only Metaerg can do it.

 Nice input. Whoever has their fat sweaty fingers in that puppet.

Of course it is. My fingers are lean and clean.

sharts