So while it's true that I purposefully tried to blaspheme the Holy Spirit when I was 14, as well as tried to sell my soul to Satan, as basically a "fuck you" to the Christian religion that I didnt believe in at the time and actually attributed to all the hurt and pain that I was experiencing because I was very very confused, pretty much my whole life, and did not understand why these men and women "of God" were not telling me how to understand or how to stop being the fucked up version of me I couldnt seem to escape
And whether or not I am you know, actually everything that was "revealed" to me that I am, or if it was just some sick MK Ultra joke where they were going to try to scapegoat me a normal girl they programmed into being and feeling like I was.....she who shalt not be named lol, for like everything bad in humanity and then lead everyone into the New World Order much more easily
I am going to believe I'm saved until proven otherwise, just simply because 1) it allows me to cut back on and maybe even eventually stop sinning altogether if that is possible, not sure how close to this the apostles got because maybe it is actually possible
and 2) I genuinely feel bad mentally, emotionally and spiritually for hurting other people, and I dont want to anymore. I actually have a very sensitive loving side to me that was probably a lot more obvious towards the beginning when some of you first knew me, but over the years due to Satan continually leading me into abusing myself more and more I became very traumatized and detached from that side of me
Also 3, I was so confused during this lifetime that I understand why Jesus would forgive me, and actually go out of His way to chase me down and get me to see the light. I wanted to be a good Christian girl and do everything right when I was younger I just couldnt figure out how. It felt like the more I tried to be the more abused I was by everyone lol and I was like fuckkkkk this. but it's because I didnt understand the way I do now. and I never didnt want the true Jesus who I know now and 100% believe is the Judaic God and our Creator and the controller of everything in existence, I just was understanding a false Jesus that I kept pushing away
So yeah, I'm believing I'm saved until proven otherwise because it's the right thing to do. And I would really like to not go to hell that would be nice too