Last time I went thru my Christian phase I thought that I had committed the unforgivable sin and it was too late for me anyway so eff it, and then used that as fuel to doubt Jesus was real all over again
this time idc if I committed the unforgivable sin or not I'm still going to keep trying to stop sinning because I realized how completely evil I was, and also however it happened I just believe now like I feel very convinced Jesus is the living Judaic God and the one true God. That's freaking faithfulness lol to dedicate your life to a God who could be like Nah I'm still going to burn you