After much consideration, I will again attempt to leave this place.
I had some time to introspect, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm too invested in this forum, and that it is not good for my psyche. I would like to expand my mind, experience new things, and be a part of something greater than just myself, and this forum is hindering me at least partially from doing that.
I don't like myself on this forum, and I feel like all my achievements here are driving me further from the goals I want to achieve IRL. I want to be loved and love others, but here I feel like I enjoy others' misery. I feel like I come here for short bursts of happy chemicals that are boosted by my forcing to act contrary to my default personality. I guess I'm afraid of being boring as I am, and seek validation from you all in a safe environment where nothing can hurt me.
I spent much time trying to weave this major major personality, which is nothing like me, and I think I kept it up for, like, a year, just because I wanted to see where it went. That `nobody` person was me pretending to be a girl (the vocaroos were text-to-speech generated with IBM's Emily voice) in an attempt to get to Inquirer. I don't think this is very healthy behavior, and I should probably stop.
Writing this all out makes me feel somewhat guilty, but simultaneously I feel this malicious joy that I think I really shouldn't be feeling, and I'm afraid that this forum feeds that side of me. So I will leave. I will spend time with my wife, and free the time I spend on this forum for other things. I spend an extraordinarily large chunk of my free time here, and I'm ashamed of it. I'm also ashamed of how long I have stayed here.
Well, bye. If I come back, please ignore me to discourage me from coming here.
Thanks.