I found this really hit all the marks as far as getting across what it is like.
I dated someone for a period that admitted to me they were diagnosed with "anti-social tendencies."
I can say at first when they told me, I was genuinely scared by it and put off by it immediately. We were sitting out for dinner and, everything in me was sort of saying, "run" and the worst thoughts were going through my head about, if this person would some how end up harming me. I didn't have any specific thoughts about how they would harm me, but it was just the general worry that would happen somehow.
I found it threatening, and at the same time I didn't understand it. I wanted to, but it just honestly wasn't something that was clicking and could wrap my head around fully. But having it explained to me like this video is really helpful actually, as I think most people have a harder time putting it into words and getting across everything that can help someone sort of get it.
I didn't have questions like, "do you love your family" or, "do you have feelings." etc, I just was sort of racked with the realization that the way that they process their emotions is so different from me, but didn't understand how or the way in which that process took place and what it sort of looked like on the inside.
They told me that it involved a lot of compartmentalization and, a lack of empathy for others.
At the time I didn't really know what questions to ask because I was sort of still in shock and disbelief. My first reaction was kind of denial like, oh that, that has to be wrong or a misdiagnosis or- this person has been misled to believe this about themselves but they're not really like a sociopath... they're not really different from me are they? Because I sort of didn't want them to be.
I thought I was looking at, one thing, and then it turns out they're this whole other thing that I will struggle to connect with and understand. And so I sort of felt a road block going up to, our potential connection, though I still wanted to try.
I sort of dropped the subject, because I didn't want to annoy them with asking for examples of their lack of empathy or, trying to understand. But then, several days later we hung out again and I was overwhelmed enough with the curiosity that I just had to ask a question about, how they, felt things.
And once again they tried to explain it was a lot to do with compartmentalization. As our relationship went on, occassionally I would try to look inside these various compartments and sort of getting them to open up.
I really don't know why I was doing this, or what I was looking for. But I suppose I thought if they opened up with me about those things, that I could somehow, make them connect better, make them, 'normal' so to speak and, be less sort of, 'cut off' or... unattached, almost a bit robotic at times.
But it didn't, make a difference, no matter what I prauded at. And that was naive but, I was very young so.
At the end of the day, I don't really know what they wanted with me, I mean yes they wanted a relationship and they sought it out and made gestures to create that. But I didn't really understand why, as I wasn't really 'feeling' that they had, feelings for me or a, connection with me.
I just felt I was filling in a role for them or, something like that. As if, they were checking off a box. I'm not sure what their real intentions were but, I did trust them. I never got the feeling there was some other agenda going on.
At the end of the year I moved home for a time after being at college for a year and, they offered for me to move in with them for the summer. But due to the lack of sustenance and life to the relationship, and me not really, seeing this person express any feelings I just kind of, figured out this isn't maybe right for me, and we went our separate ways.
They were a good person and did nothing wrong, but there was just not much connection for us, or chemistry. And that happens all the time, not just with people with anti-social tendencies of course. But yeah.
That was just my sort of experience with that. I never thought that I would date anyone with ASPD in my life but, the girl in the video above is definitely right when she says it's sort of like, there are people who are very fit for a relationship with someone with ASPD and just click perfectly with it, they're meant for it. And then there are some who are not.
