(Stolen content from Paul Town)
Hey there, just calling to check up on you. Just wanted to make sure you're doing well. Just wanted to make sure you haven't killed yourself or somebody else. Haha, just kidding, but seriously, we'd like to take up some of your time and talk to you for free for maybe ten or fifteen minutes or maybe an hour, because we don't respect our own time and we don't care about your time.
You are taking your medicine, right? We know it has been a year and nothing has happened since the incident, but you are taking your anti-psychotic medication, right? Of course you're being honest when you tell us you are, because your family all says you're taking the medicine, you mention easily found side effects of taking the medication, and you couldn't just look at us and act nicely and lie to our faces, right?
We're happy you're getting your life back on track and we feel responsible for this. After all, where would you be if we hadn't made you take psychological surveys that always come back perfect and made you sit in a room for an hour a week talking to somebody about your lack of stress or worry about anything to pass the time.
We're here to help, we are helping you, and it's all made possible by you filling out forms, you taking medicine that causes Parkinson's, you talking about your feelings that you don't actually have, and you learning to delve into your feelings. You're obviously disabled. Just keep on pretending that we help and make our lives easy and we'll be here as long as you want to serve as an emotional support blanket for friends and family who don't know anything about what's going on, don't actually know how to think for themselves, and have the mental depth of spoiled children who think they live in a Disney movie where they deserve everything in the world instead of seeing everything as a life and death struggle and people as parasites stealing time and energy from anybody that lets them.