1. Leave SC forever
You are harrassed on a daily basis, people are just straight mean to you. They say horrible things and trigger your anxieties. At the same time being here keeps old dynamics alive and you spend a lot of time trying to contact Chapo etc. This has to stop. It is a maintaining factor of your mental illness. There are tools and quirks you can do on your computer that will block this site. If this is too difficult, ritualize it. Make a pact with yourself to just be on here 1 hour a day or only on saturdays etc.
2. Get any job you can get immediatley
What you need is structure. It does not matter if you hate what you are doing, you need content in your life. It does not have to be your job forever, even 4 hours a day cashier would be fine. This is not about money, but about structure and distraction, life content.
3. You once said you have a therapist, stop going there
What you need is a new one and you need to read about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. What therapy really is. It is not about going there once every week or once a month and telling them what you experienced or how bad you feel. This is useless. Therapy should be about actions. Changing one's behaviour to make different experiences than before. Behaviour in this context is defined as Thoughts, Feelings, Physical Actions and also Memory, not just mere physical behaviour.
4. If SSRI does not work, consider change to small dose of neuroleptic drug
I am not telling you to stop thinking about Chapo or to stop obsess about him, because this wouldn't work anyways. If you do all this you will improve within 6 months and be happier.
