Sociopath Community

do takbir and repent

AlmightyJim said: 

i cant stop thinking about having sex with my russian ex bf what is wrong with me help

Are you getting off to the pain, or the nostalgia? 

Turncoat said: 

AlmightyJim said: 

i cant stop thinking about having sex with my russian ex bf what is wrong with me help

Are you getting off to the pain, or the nostalgia? 

 in the fantasy we are kissing while doing missionary and he responds passionately telling me he still loves me

theres also a tinge of emotional pain yeah

AlmightyJim said: 

Turncoat said: 

AlmightyJim said: 

i cant stop thinking about having sex with my russian ex bf what is wrong with me help

Are you getting off to the pain, or the nostalgia? 

 in the fantasy we are kissing while doing missionary and he responds passionately telling me he still loves me

theres also a tinge of emotional pain yeah

I've found that pain to be hard to let go of from finding the pain 'identifying', like it meant something important to me. 

When I've realized in the past that it was the pain itself I'd grown attached to in the aftermath, rather than the person, it became easier to let go. 

Turncoat said: 

AlmightyJim said: 

Turncoat said: 

AlmightyJim said: 

i cant stop thinking about having sex with my russian ex bf what is wrong with me help

Are you getting off to the pain, or the nostalgia? 

 in the fantasy we are kissing while doing missionary and he responds passionately telling me he still loves me

theres also a tinge of emotional pain yeah

I've found that pain to be hard to let go of from finding the pain 'identifying', like it meant something important to me. 

When I've realized in the past that it was the pain itself I'd grown attached to in the aftermath, rather than the person, it became easier to let go. 

 why am I so addicted to pain? or why are you

AlmightyJim said: 

Turncoat said: 

AlmightyJim said: 

Turncoat said: 

AlmightyJim said: 

i cant stop thinking about having sex with my russian ex bf what is wrong with me help

Are you getting off to the pain, or the nostalgia? 

 in the fantasy we are kissing while doing missionary and he responds passionately telling me he still loves me

theres also a tinge of emotional pain yeah

I've found that pain to be hard to let go of from finding the pain 'identifying', like it meant something important to me. 

When I've realized in the past that it was the pain itself I'd grown attached to in the aftermath, rather than the person, it became easier to let go. 

 why am I so addicted to pain? or why are you

Not sure about you, but for me there's some sort of sick self-identifying indulgence in it, as if "to be in pain" is "to live". 

I've seen myself sit there making justifications and excuses for it when deep in it, like that "It must have meaning if it hurts this much" to justify that it's better than being numb, but that's my entering black and white thinking, indulging in the emotional masochism from it becoming habit forming. 

Past a point, hurting myself is essentially masturbation in itself, while also a bandage to not have to face the more daunting task of moving on. 

AlmightyJim said: 

i cant stop thinking about having sex with my russian ex bf what is wrong with me help

 I sometimes wonder if you're a self-fulfilling prophecy.  That on some level, you want something to be wrong.