playing pretend.
No. You're not pretending at all. You really are butthurt. You keep trying to affirm yourself with jim because you're the most affected by this; and also the most feminine of the "males".
You can laugh, pretend to laugh, etc.
This is what you're laughing at:
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"I'm not myself online, so they aren't really laughing at me" is a pretty thin-skinned cope, one that roots from insecurity.
Considering how you keep accusing everyone who laughs at you of having your problems, it's hard to see you as the mirror rather than your world being it.