I have everything I ever wanted.everything I ever dreamed of. My life is amazing. But I still have memories of being kicked in the stomach, being locked in solitary confinement, having to go to the hospital because the people who were meant to love me injured me. One helps me now, not the other but one does, so it's over right? Why does it still bother me? Memories of being cornered with a knife, being beaten by a mentally disabled giant and having a plate thrown at my head and hitting me in the head. Having my food poisoned and having to go to the hospital, being beat with hangers until I bled, being called worthless all the time, told I was going to hell. Being made to stand still to be smacked in the face over and over with the excuse that I needed to be smacked again for flinching. Having a small part of my toe come off, being deathly ill so I couldn't have actual food for almost a year. This site is my venting spot, and things have been good mostly. But rn idk, the past still stings
What are you saying Noah ?
I don't understand what mental disturbance prompted this depressing post of hers, she seemed fine in person. I am confused and she did not tell me she was on here. She is asleep so I cannot question her.
My grandiose delusions are better than yours.
What are you saying Noah ?
I don't understand what mental disturbance prompted this depressing post of hers, she seemed fine in person. I am confused and she did not tell me she was on here. She is asleep so I cannot question her.
Reminds of that livestream she did, complaining about a past online relationship and how she found out he was with someone else the whole time. Then in the video there was you in the background on your laptop. I thought to myself how annoyed you must have been.
What are you saying Noah ?
I don't understand what mental disturbance prompted this depressing post of hers, she seemed fine in person. I am confused and she did not tell me she was on here. She is asleep so I cannot question her.
Reminds of that livestream she did, complaining about a past online relationship and how she found out he was with someone else the whole time. Then in the video there was you in the background on your laptop. I thought to myself how annoyed you must have been.
XD, well this annoys me but not that so much.
My grandiose delusions are better than yours.
Trauma will remain as a part of you for the rest of your life. Therapy and meds merely help you cope so you don't harm yourself or others. The effect trauma had on your mind will never vanish.
Make the best of it.
Actually as people get older memories fade and our capacity to feel emotions to their utmost extremes often weakens into a shadow of what it once was with age.
It's been said that every time a memory is recalled that it weakens it a bit with each re-encoding, since it effectively has to take it out of your brain and put it back instead of pulling a copy of itself, allowing for degradation and mutations on the memory from things as simple as how you felt that moment that you remembered it.
A lot of what makes memories like that that are locked away remain so strong is over how hard it is to access them. As I saw with my own trauma, when I was self-inflicing aversion therapy onto myself to get over individual triggers, said triggers that called upon the memory were actually helpful for overcoming the shock and surprise of it. The only way to really weaken the memory's hold on me was to basically play it on repeat until it meant less.
There's also drugs in the work for targeted memory loss practices. Supposedly while on the drug they can have you recall the traumatic memory, you'll remember it and replay it as normal, but you won't be able to put it back. When asked a second time to talk about it it'll supposedly be a lot harder to call upon the memory. Now while I see this as a potential to make designer cultists and government assassins that don't remember what tasks they've done and shit like that (especially if paired with other potentially mental conditioning drugs like LSD)... they seem to think it'll help with PTSD patients.
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Trauma will remain as a part of you for the rest of your life. Therapy and meds merely help you cope so you don't harm yourself or others. The effect trauma had on your mind will never vanish.
Make the best of it.
This is pretty good. Trauma rewires the brain so if you have PTSD you will be susceptible to thoughts you can't control and people won't understand. But it's a spectrum and is different for everybody. It won't go away but it can decrease.
Somethings I think about is that it's sad childhood and other times sucked ass but...the things you missed out on, or never had at all, or the bad things that other people did to you can become your strength.
If you've been abused, feeling sad or fucked up is real. Your wounds need to feed on you for a time, I think. It's ok to be sad. But when you've finally had enough you can turn it around.
That's when you can feed off your wounds and make them your strength. You can recreate the things you never had by choosing to give to others what you never had, cause you really appreciate those things. It can be your gift and your strength. It helps I think.
I Took The Liberty Of Fertilizing Your Caviar.
last edit on
6/27/2019 5:14:28 AM