no I love makeup
but yeah uh...its just an annoying when u want support and have none so u just have to suck it up
The day they come out though?
no I love makeup
but yeah uh...its just an annoying when u want support and have none so u just have to suck it up
Then stop bitching about not having money for "basic needs"
You are a spoiled brat. It isnt anyone's job to pay for you or support you and even getting everything you wsnt for free all you do is complain.
If you want more money ***get a job***
yeah I don't have a problem with my own earning what so ever
I was just mad because they purposefully make stuff harder than it needs to be for me because they think that's like parenting or like teaching me a lesson
but I personally feel that its stupid but whatever, I'll play along. I'll do shit the hard way if you want me to.
that's the only thing they do as parents btw like, we have zero relationship, there is no other "parenting" or support being done in any other area it's just strictly financial. which all my life I've thought really sucks.
I've wanted a relationship with my own mom since I was 12 years old. and I didn't even know my dad cared about me until I was on my death bed.
like people want to act like my parents are good parents because they have money. that isn't what makes a parent a good parent im sorry. I don't hate them or hold that against them but just objectively there was room for improvement if we're going to be totally real here.
I don't think im entitled to anything, i take what I have and am grateful for it trust me. like they help me with my education. etc.
but like, it would be nice if there was a little bit more going on than just paying for my tuition.
yeah I don't have a problem with my own earning what so ever
I was just mad because they purposefully make stuff harder than it needs to be for me because they think that's like parenting or like teaching me a lesson
but I personally feel that its stupid but whatever, I'll play along. I'll do shit the hard way if you want me to.
that's the only thing they do as parents btw like, we have zero relationship, there is no other "parenting" or support being done in any other area it's just strictly financial. which all my life I've thought really sucks.
I've wanted a relationship with my own mom since I was 12 years old. and I didn't even know my dad cared about me until I was on my death bed.
like people want to act like my parents are good parents because they have money. that isn't what makes a parent a good parent im sorry. I don't hate them or hold that against them but just objectively there was room for improvement if we're going to be totally real here.
I don't think im entitled to anything, i take what I have and am grateful for it trust me. like they help me with my education. etc.
but like, it would be nice if there was a little bit more going on than just paying for my tuition.
It sounds like you're saying the money isn't enough, while also resenting that they're making the money harder to get.
I'm not saying it makes them great parents, but it's not like they're doing nothing for you right? I feel like your redirecting it about their parenting is more so that you'll have something to complain about that feels legitimate.
like we go out to dinner, they sit there and talk to each other, and I can't get a word in.
and they literally just talk about the most vain narcissistic materialistic bull shit like, its really shallow. and thats *all* they talk about. otherwise they don't talk to each other.
their relationship itself is 2d, its flat. there is no, connection they don't care about each other. its just business. they literally stayed married just to benefit off of each other financially. they don't even like each other they're both miserable in their own way and they make that very clear.
if they fight its about money.
If they ever text or call me, its about money.
all they ever talk about, is money.
when I was dealign with my mental health stuff it would of been nice if I could of spoken up at dinner and had two real human beings to talk to- but they actually lack the depth and the capacity to do so. a conversation like that just wouldn't even register.
they're like robots. like if I say something out of the norm it just goes right over their head.
I could say shit like, "im gonna light my house on fire" and I've been doing this stuff since I was 4 years old. they don't give two shits. just raise their wine glass to their mouth and look the other way and continue discussing stuff amongst themselves.
do you know how maddening it is, to have a brick wall like that between you and your own parents you desperately all your life wanted some sort fo connection with.
I could say shit that implies im depressed and suicidal and my dad would just be like 'yeah... lemme take a phone call really quick."
they're never around. they love their lives as business entrepreneurs and it feeds their narcissism and individuality like they base their sole life purpose on their jobs and get fulfillment out of that. but its to the point they care about nothing else more. nothing else.
every soccer game, award ceremony, every little show I did with like theater or dance. no one showed up. I got carpool rides with my friends because they wouldn't even pick me up from school. like I was such an inconvenience to them.
they just treated me like a mouth to feed. and thats it. there was no like concern for me as a human being, with needs outside of like, food in my mouth.
their heads were so far up their own asses that they cannot even register or fathom like caring about another individual or having the capacity to even consider- how they are, what they're feeling, what they're thinking. etc.
you're just *there* but that's it.
and thats my life dude. thats my entire, life. other people have such full beautiful lives, mine is stale, and blah, and boring.
dress proper sit up straight whatever button up your fuckin shirt. and keep ur mouth shut.
its just so hard for me to convey to you the disparity in my life but to contrast it let me give you an example. the first time someone showed me real human compassion, that was patient, loving and kind- and was "connective" in nature like, sort of human. I was 20 years old.
it was my aunt, she had estranged herself from the family a long long longgggg time ago but. one night I just had no where to go because my parents literally ran me out of the house screaming at me and beating me. and so obviously I call my cousin like "please get me out of here" like I literally called my cousin, crouching down in a corner with my dad screaming in my face, and he had thrown me there like he was grabbing me and hitting me in the face and throwing me around being insane.
and he was about to take the phone from me and smash it and I was like "please come get me like now."
and yeah so I went to their house for a while, and I did that a lot growing up and through out my life like whenever things got too crazy at home I'd just leave or I would purposefully not go home a lot just to avoid that insane mess.
they're really not nice people, their mind set is like toxic its a lot to explain but they're fucking nuts and I suffer the consequences of it.
the shit they believe is like really really whack and extreme. like my mom thinks she talks to angels and the devil and my dad was diagnosed bpd at 18 years old, he went to prison several times for doing horrible horrible things, and also beats my mom and me- and went to court mandated anger management classes- wHICH he got KICKED OUT OF for being too angry.
the stuff my dad believes is really whack I don't even wanna get into it.
but they're really like *extreme* and so thats why it made sense to them to put me on the street for being gay.
it's just a mess. just because like, they have money, doesn't make them good parents. all they've done is damage the fuck out of me. and I've had to personally go and undo all of that tangling and fuckery that they did to my head and deal with how it affected me while remaining *sane*... and on top of that dealing with life as it is in all its glory. it gets stressful is what im trying say.
but yeah I saw some therapists, it kinda helped. im doing fine now I have my head on straight. but sometimes I come on here and vent.
thats all there is to it.
- - -
and about the meds, they made me too tired so I had to stop them. 9/10 people receive energy from the meds that gives them motivation and makes them feel good. unfortunately I was the 1/10 that has the opposite reaction and it makes me literally go to sleep and super flat line.
obviously its not the right medication for me. right now I don't feel depressed so I don't see the need for any meds.
im on the third week cold turkey so obviously you're going to notice some like, minor blips of instability- like agitation. but this is just the withdrawal and my mind getting used to regulating itself and its own emotions and serotonin again. with the meds I felt a lot less so there was less to regulate. I also think that going cold turkey is causing like the agitation so its making me a little bit less patient and calm at times than I normally would be but it will pass.
I just weirdly don't feel depressed anymore so I don't see the need for anything right now, like I have a desire to live I don't want to die I don't think about killing myself anymore- I don't experience the symptoms of depression anymore like I feel motivated and happy through out my day and just enjoy life perfectly fine now. before, I couldn't do those things is why I needed meds.
I also had serious panic attacks and just generalized anxiety at a steady constant but, thats gone away too now that I have learned to cope with it healthily, I have like coping mechanisms for it that actually work, and then when you strengthen that with practice your mind starts to go, "oh ok I don't have be afraid of panic attacks anymore because I know how to handle them and make them go away" and then they stop coming as frequently. and if I do experience a trigger I can dismiss it with these coping mechanisms/tactics.
so yeah, don't needs meds anymore. before- I couldn't make my own panic attacks or anxiety go away, I hadn't strengthened that ability so I had meds helping me just because it was so bad that it was debilitating and I couldn't function.
but yeah, if I notice that im doing bad in those areas again I will obviously tell my doc about it but for now I feel aight. I think dealing with depression/anxiety and rrecovineg from ptsd/trauma is like learning to walk again and I guess I didn't realize it but I can walk without extra help now. the meds are just for people who aren't at that point yet in their mental health over all.
When I was younger and still living my parents I had to deal with this. It can be stifling to say the least. Don't let it take away from you own life though. You can still achieve what you want to in life , even with your parents pushing all of their shit into your face, you can ignore it and move past it ,and once you move on and they heal on their own maybe you can find closure from this point in time. There is no need for you to put on their burden. If you feel inadequate because of how someone else is acting then you need to put distance between yourself and them. With parents this is difficult because many young people are still dependent upon their parents. If shit is bad enuf tho it may be best to at least put up a mental wall between them and you, like write some poetry (that's what I did) that can reaffirm your individuality.
Build some occult energy and use it sustain your mental state into the future, and hey, it may contribute positively to your sense of humor. it did for me
yeah I still feel optimistic about my own life and my future, I really have moved past all of that stuff
I was just frustrated momentarily lol because life is stressful sometimes no matter how you slice it haha but im dealign with it fine
im happy actually lol just wanted to clarify
like was explaining my background a bit but just because I was dissatisfied with it at one point in my life doesn't mean that I haven't moved past it now and have learned to just adapt and overcome and be happy despite it
