Many people find it odd for me to say this, but it's always been true to me since early childhood.... I never really gave a fuck about being in any kind of group, always been the lone wolf. I remember my parents cared a lot about getting me to care about this, and maybe I thought I cared because they said it was good- but the more my teens went by, the more I discovered that I find delight in things I am very interested in; conceptual things, mechanical things, how things work. I like to go deep into subjects and really dig out parts of a discussion that often go overlooked but when I try to do this with most people they disengage from the conversation with a confused eyeroll.
Enough of these instances, and I realized that I may be at least a deeper thinker than most people. When I did see other people in groups, I observed behaviors that I found to be self-deprecative in nature; smoking pot to seem more like the rest of the crowd, sexual deviance, repetitious relaying of the same played out jokes and slang that I never found to be all that cool and funny, music blasting, promoting a no-future lifestyle that these people find cool, probably because of the beat. How in any world could I ever be, or even want to be like these clowns? They clearly exhibit lowly behavior compared to my own, and I begin to discover that social groups like that were overrated.
Even in groups that weren't composed of riff raff, I found the dynamics of all large social groups to be even worse than one-on-one discussions with a single idiot. Group "hangouts" quickly devolve into pointless small talk and tend to promote unproductive and occasionally harmful antics that otherwise even these relatively intelligent folks would not engage in alone, but when I had single conversations the story was different, and with that I discoverered the superiority of talking on a one on one basis with people whom I found interesting rather than the redundant banter of a group.
And lastly, but possibly most importantly- I found the people who consistently engaged in social groups to be exceedingly emotional, neurotic, insecure, and needy. They needed that group to feel like their life meant something, to even be happy at all. I saw intelligent and interesting folks devolve into repetitive shells who literally watered down their personality amd devalued themselves just for some shitty group that would inevitably disperse in due time. Additionally, I observed my own lack of emotional need for a group, and that I could be content from my own personal fancies, and it was from this and all the aforementioned reasons that I decided social groups were just pointless to me.
In fact, I hate them.
