Sociopath Community

You’re in so much pain and I wish I could just take it away. You’ve written so clearly and succinctly, you almost have me believing. Almost. And then I come to your last line where you say “…I don’t want to die–I just have no idea anymore how to live”. It’s well said, poetic. Together maybe we can find a way. There has been a lot of pain and suffering.

I’m sorry for all that you’ve lost and all that you miss. The bullying, the depression, the self-harming, and the plummeting grades, must feel so overwhelming. It’s hard to cope to say the least. I believe that you have tried and I know that it’s hard. But why not try what is hardest, before you make such a final decision. If you really feel like you’ve got nothing to lose then why not see a doctor, ask for counselling, talk with your mother, a teacher, someone who can help?

You come here so I know you’ve got the courage, then why not take it one step further. Your life is worthy of so much more. You have a place in this world. Time is always passing and nothing ever stays the same. Change is slow and it inches painfully along. You won’t always be bullied, without friends, depressed and isolating. This time is now and it hurts so much, but this time will pass. Just hold on a little bit longer and wait for it. But don’t just wait, take some chances and reach out for help. It’s there, it really is.

We’re here and you can talk to us whenever you need to. Call us if ever you feel like hurting yourself, we want to help you through it. Suck back your fear and speak out your feelings, yell it if you have to. Stand up and be noticed. You’re in pain and you deserve some patience and attention. If you talked with a doctor, a teacher, your mother, they could take you to the hospital and connect you with resources and services.

There are options for people who are depressed and want to hurt themselves. There are healthy ways to manage and cope with your pain and ease your suffering. How do I convince you to take that chance, I wish I knew? All I have are my words and I appreciate your reading them, I can only hope that they make a difference.

You have a story to tell, and it’s in the telling that you might heal. Your words give you strength, power, acceptance and relief. I urge you to tell your story and keep telling it, write about it and talk it out again and again until your mind is at ease. The answers are within you, you possess the power to make change happen, believe that you can. I’m worried that maybe you’ve heard all this before and my words are nothing new. You just want what we all want, a little bit of happiness and to feel like you belong, it’s not too much to ask. This is what I wish for you and this is what I believe you can have if only you give yourself the chance, many chances. You deserve as many as it takes. I won’t say “good-bye”, but I will say bye for now. I hope we talk again. Be well.

Thank you for understanding and trying again. I hoped you might respond but I wasn't sure if you were still here or if you would remember me from before, I forgot your username and i am sorry we lost touch. I feel like part of you understands me or understood me but  like really understands the the real me. The one I don't or can't show others. I guess that's why I came back.

I try to talk about my feelings like you said, thinking it will make things hurt less and the pain go away but it doesn't. It just pushes me deeper down a well of darkness. I can't pretend it's not there or push it away once I speak it out loud or put it in writing, it's just like a shadow. I am always in the dark. I can't see light anymore. If I am dead i imagine it will feel like sleeping and nothingness just a release from all I struggle with now. I don't want anything from you. thank you for listening.  

What suicide when u can engage in fun self destructive insane behaviour instead?

Okay bye

My therapist told me just to wait. To wait for it all to pass because it is just a moment and you don't have to swim forever and you will get to the shore and just dumb things like that. I think that is likely just a lie to stretch out the days and buy a little more time, in case my brain changes.

The truth that no one will say out loud is that my mother hates me. She never wanted me and wishes I didn't exist. If I kill myself then she will get what she wants and it will just be a mistake that is finally over. I will be a mistake that is finally over. It won't mean anything to me because I won't feel anything anymore. I wonder sometimes if kids who were not wanted are born scared because the whole time they are inside of their mother they know they are not wanted. Like your soul or consciousness or whatever just picks up on it. You know you are a mistake and your life is not safe and you will never be safe. Not like the babies that people actually want and are happy to have. Such a different life. What is it like to be wanted? When my mom looks at me I see her disappointment and shame. When she gets angry she tells me I am useless and stupid. I'm so tired. I feel so odd in this world. Like I don't fit in it. Maybe there is a place in space where my people live somewhere. Like the universe made a mistake and sent me to the wrong planet where I am so lost. I don't know. I just want to go home but I don't have a home. I never did.

Well. Why is that your response to what is happening?

Why do you not hate your mother if she does hate you? That seems like a more just way to approach this thing to me. If someone did that to you, brought you up in an unfair environment, then it's their fault. Since it's their fault, it's justified to act evil towards them. Why do you not think like this? 

When your mother tells you you are useless and stupid, how do you feel? Do you feel sadness and shame? Why? Why is it that you don't feel hatred for her treating you unjustly?

It's time to get angry and vengeful. This is one way out of where you're at.

Anger -> rebellion -> freedom.

Alternatively, take a chill pill. Fix your negative thoughts patterns. You do this by keeping a journal of events for each and every day and classifying your reaction to the event as either negative, neutral and positive.

Whenever there is a negative reaction, stop and think about it afterwards, and answer the following questions about it:

Were the negative emotions justified?

Why and why not?

Was there something I could do better in the same situation in the future?

What would it be, and how would it make it better?

If there wasn't anything I could do, could I view the event in a better light? Perhaps those negative emotions can drive me to change for the better.

Worst case scenario, if you cannot answer any of the above, simply classify the event as a recurring mini-disaster and be happy it's over.

I'm bored now.