talk me out of this shit.
during the time i was kicked out as a teen, i used to trainhop and move around in a tent, repairing computers for people and meet random people on the way. this was really free and fun for me. if i did this now i would be throwing away my new family and programming income (hard to get wifi someplaces and shit gets stolen) but i would also feel free and careless (which i love). should i?
I tend to agree with Lena, and I'll say why.
I think you are uncomfortable with rejection and you fear it happening again. To pull some examples from my faulty alcohol-fueled memory, let me name a few instances.
One of the first girls you were with, she was a Gypsy if I remember right? And you pimped her out to a family member? And then afterwards you felt disgusted, like "how could she stoop so low?" And you lost value. It's actually hard to blame you there, but I think in the male-female dynamic, usually the guy is in control. And so in a sense, you caused it to yourself. Maybe you would have liked for her to decline that, and maybe your takeaway was that women are almost like mindless creatures.
You are also used to being betrayed by the fembois you were with. If my memory is right, the one Russian basically ran off with your money even though you lavished him. You had felt devastated and betrayed at the time, that was actually a really dark time for you. And when he came crawling back to you, you were totally walled off. Which you should have been, because he burned you.
And then you had CS and learned what it was like to be around a mentally unstable person. Arguing and her putting you down all the time. And, you showed us the picture of what you came back to. How could you possibly trust that?
So again, maybe my memory is faulty, but I feel like I'm pretty much in the right here. I think you have a good thing going, but all of your instincts are looking for that one moment where she will backstab you. And I hate to say it, but in all relationships there will be that moment where you feel fucked over. You just gotta work it out.
It's easier for you to go bang Philipinos because that shit is impersonal. No ties, no need to be close to anyone. I get it.
I think that what you have going for you is really good. Also for the millionth time, research shows that if someone with BPD can trust someone for 2 years, the condition gets a lot better. You're sitting there chilling with her smoking non-nicotine banana vapes. Like man...enjoy what you have. And in my opinion, don't let her whore herself out over this South America shit. She's following what you tell her to do. You're the one in control here, you have to be the man.
To pull some examples from my faulty alcohol-fueled memory
One of the first girls you were with, she was a Gypsy if I remember right? And you pimped her out to a family member? And then afterwards you felt disgusted, like "how could she stoop so low?" And you lost value. It's actually hard to blame you there, but I think in the male-female dynamic, usually the guy is in control. And so in a sense, you caused it to yourself. Maybe you would have liked for her to decline that, and maybe your takeaway was that women are almost like mindless creatures.
Why even draw the gender angle into this? This can be summed up as "self-sabotage" neatly with a bow when flipping the genders around could still have the same story.
It's more about power exchange and how it's wielded. In his case, he follows contradictory desires where either they didn't do as he said and that makes them shitty, or they did do as he said and that makes them shitty.
For stories like this he's shitting on them and then complaining about the smell.
You are also used to being betrayed by the fembois you were with. If my memory is right, the one Russian basically ran off with your money even though you lavished him. You had felt devastated and betrayed at the time, that was actually a really dark time for you. And when he came crawling back to you, you were totally walled off. Which you should have been, because he burned you.
I don't know if I'd call it "used to"... and some of that shit was from things he did.
And then you had CS and learned what it was like to be around a mentally unstable person. Arguing and her putting you down all the time. And, you showed us the picture of what you came back to. How could you possibly trust that?
That can of worms is way more complicated than you think.
So again, maybe my memory is faulty, but I feel like I'm pretty much in the right here. I think you have a good thing going, but all of your instincts are looking for that one moment where she will backstab you. And I hate to say it, but in all relationships there will be that moment where you feel fucked over. You just gotta work it out.
I'd say it's less faulty and more biased as a reflection of your general sexist leanings.
Looking into Jim's relations, shit's a lot more complicated than this, and trying to sum it up so simply is a huge disservice. He, like you, needs to spend time figuring himself out if he wants to escape the cycles he's found himself in, and going over those stories in this condensed and enabling a fashion is liable to give those cycles more laps.
I think that what you have going for you is really good. Also for the millionth time, research shows that if someone with BPD can trust someone for 2 years, the condition gets a lot better. You're sitting there chilling with her smoking non-nicotine banana vapes. Like man...enjoy what you have. And in my opinion, don't let her whore herself out over this South America shit. She's following what you tell her to do. You're the one in control here, you have to be the man.
If she's willing to do this stuff because she was "told to", and there's otherwise no threats being made towards her if she doesn't?
This isn't about him "being the man", this is about synergy. The two likely haven't communicated their own needs, and are instead winging it in hopes of the best.
I tend to agree with Lena, and I'll say why.
I think you are uncomfortable with rejection and you fear it happening again. To pull some examples from my faulty alcohol-fueled memory, let me name a few instances.
One of the first girls you were with, she was a Gypsy if I remember right? And you pimped her out to a family member? And then afterwards you felt disgusted, like "how could she stoop so low?" And you lost value. It's actually hard to blame you there, but I think in the male-female dynamic, usually the guy is in control. And so in a sense, you caused it to yourself. Maybe you would have liked for her to decline that, and maybe your takeaway was that women are almost like mindless creatures.
That one was more like a stalker chick who wouldnt leave me alone so i repurposed her kek. You are on point with the creating my own problems though
You are also used to being betrayed by the fembois you were with. If my memory is right, the one Russian basically ran off with your money even though you lavished him. You had felt devastated and betrayed at the time, that was actually a really dark time for you. And when he came crawling back to you, you were totally walled off. Which you should have been, because he burned you.
The russian one ran off without my money, I did lavish him and I hit a rough patch (scams were failing near the end of 2018- start 2019) and he ran off seeking a better provider in Moscow. he returned this august realizing he wont find his super daddy but he has receding airline and a more masc face and now im the one who doesnt want him lol (hes 25 now)
And then you had CS and learned what it was like to be around a mentally unstable person. Arguing and her putting you down all the time. And, you showed us the picture of what you came back to. How could you possibly trust that?
So again, maybe my memory is faulty, but I feel like I'm pretty much in the right here. I think you have a good thing going, but all of your instincts are looking for that one moment where she will backstab you. And I hate to say it, but in all relationships there will be that moment where you feel fucked over. You just gotta work it out.
I am more scared of her losing her feelings for me as I take rejection and loss very badly (BPD trauma re-trigger)
It's easier for you to go bang Philipinos because that shit is impersonal. No ties, no need to be close to anyone. I get it.
Yep. I cut ties with my first pinoy lover because I was starting to get attached. I still get mails from them to this day, I had to it in order to self protect
I think that what you have going for you is really good. Also for the millionth time, research shows that if someone with BPD can trust someone for 2 years, the condition gets a lot better. You're sitting there chilling with her smoking non-nicotine banana vapes. Like man...enjoy what you have. And in my opinion, don't let her whore herself out over this South America shit. She's following what you tell her to do. You're the one in control here, you have to be the man.
I know about the 2 year thing but so does my risk of suicide increase the more time I spend with a person and get attached to them and shit goes south.
I am planning to whore her out because for the first time in my life I got a serious legal trouble for my scams a few months ago. My dad had to call his old army friends to make some calls in the right places to allow me to be released so I can flee to Bucharest. My programming work makes from 3k to 5k a month which is not enough for the lifestyle I want me and my gf to live in (boujee travel lifestyle). She could earn 1k in a night easily.
